MOURNING...

Have you ever mourned, the loss,

Of self? 

I walk down my memories. 

Seeing what was once a familiar person,

I try to match the eyes, skin, expressions.  

Back in reality, the mirror,

I’m met with sad, dim eyes. 

Cracked,

Where there were once sparks. 

Skin, dull, rough. 

You can see exhaustion. 

Constantly. 

Smiles that seem forced,

A laugh with no heart or soul,

An act of being ok. 

I can tell. 

My past self feels outside of current me. 

An existence of long ago. 

How did she hold onto

Peace, hope, joy and laughter?

I’ve forgotten. 

Doesn’t seem like I ever have...held on. 

It’s hard to make efforts now. 

This self feels like a shell,

Hallow and empty 

But heavily weighted.  

Breaking my back, lowering my head. 

My heart is heavy,

Yearning,

Questioning what went wrong, 

When her other self passed. 

Did she pass?

Is she lost?

Can we be back?

I try to reach for her. 

She’s a great distance away. 

I want to close the gaps

But at every turn, the path back changes.  

I find no joy in doing the things she did. 

I try, I fail. 

That’s our bridge. 

It’s fading. Losing our connection. 

Yes, I am mourning, the loss of myself.