Rejection

Hello, Bunnies,

Let's talk about Rejection!

Something that is going to happen if you decide to shoot your shot at life. Is it painful? Yes? Can you avoid it? Yes. But in doing so you miss out on the possible shots that would lead to life-altering outcomes. 

You’re gonna get rejected in some form and to some degree in life. A fact. It could be by a romantic interest, a school, a job or even family. You could be rejected in totality or partially (eg. when people say not now to a request of yours). Let’s be honest even God has ‘rejected’ some of the requests you’ve made of him because it’s wasn’t for you or it wasn’t the time to grant said request. 

We have to normalise rejection. We need to stop looking at it as if the person loses value solely by virtue of rejection. Rejection should teach you. Not make you afraid to experience the world.  

What I have learnt from my rejections:

• I need to build up a new skillset 
• I need to keep learning and developing on what I already have
• My skills are not suited here so look elsewhere 
• I need to be patient
• Just keep pushing until something hits
• I am still Benny ‘mother flipping’ Kanyip

I’m trying to keep the lens of positivity, even in the midst of rejection, very active. It’s so easy to feel less than or lacking. Because when you’re rejected all you hear is I don’t want you and that’s a hard pill to swallow. 

My rejection story

In a nutshell, a shot my shot and the shot didn't shot and I didn't die. (🤣)
To be honest, I did develop a nice friendship with my shotee and he was really helpful in school.
[Dear shotee is you're reading this, HI!]
________________________________________________________________________________

On the flip side, we need to balance out the belief that someone has lost you means they now have some form of lack in their life. Honey that’s a lie. A coping mechanism. Someone can reject you and go on to get someone/ something valuable too. I know we say this to help swallow the bitter pill but an additional bitter pill is that not everyone’s world comes crashing down because you’re not in it. 

Please, the fact that you’ve been rejected doesn’t justify you acting out. You can’t go bad-mouthing or hurting the person that rejected you. The solution/ reaction to rejection is moving the flip on. People reserve the right to choose who they want in their life and that choice should be respected. 

Romantically, if you’re rejected because the other party doesn’t find you rich enough or pretty enough or whatever enough then move on and find someone who thinks you’re enough. Let the other party find their own enough too. You never want to be with someone who thinks you’re not enough so don’t think this is the opportunity to wear them down or show them up, just leave them alone. Some people will reject you because they are not in a place for a relationship, whatever reason you're given (lies or truth) just keep living your life. Remember someone could flat out not want you and that is ok (for them and for you)

Career-wise, do find out why you were rejected because it presents an opportunity for self-development, which is never a bad idea. If you are being rejected for a discriminatory reason do take the appropriate actions because another person like you should not have to suffer bigotry. 

Rejection is ok, rejection is an inevitable part of living.

Obviously,  I didn't delve too deeply into it on my rejection story but you know the main gist. What are your rejection tales?

I pray you're able to take rejection in stride and keep shooting all necessary shots.

Love BANNK xxx.

Being a Single Nigerian Girl...

...In your 20s with a degree. HOW DARE YOU?

Hello, my Bunnies, I’m backkkkkk.

You! Nigerian Girl! Yes you, how can you come back from university without huzzband? Or boyfriend? Or we’re just friends Ma? A fine girl like you with hometraining galor and wife material kilometres long. It’s like you’re not serious, oya come and be collecting unnecessary side comments. 

Society/ Relatives

Please dear parentals, uncles and aunties, huzzband or boyfriend is not inside a shop or growing on a tree. You said we should read our books and focus on our education so why are you disturbing me about boy now?

Furthermore, since my cousin got married (yey!) and I'm the next oldest granddaughter, I’ve noticed that everyone has been looking at me: 'you're next', 'remaining you'. Please move back, a little backer and free me. If he comes, he comes, don’t stress me, please.  

Moreover, will a man give me a one-way ticket to heaven? 

Abeg leave single people alone, singleness is not a disease. Some of you even say 'eyaaa' when your friend tells you they’re single, are you alright? Eya fire. If I start saying 'pele' to you taken people, you’ll start having heartburn. Live your life, I live my life. 

Dating Scene

The dating scene in Nigeria is giving me a headache. Sha this is the only scene I’ve navigated because this is the only time I’m perceptive to the idea of dating. So I’m finally paying attention to the scene. 

First of all, am I the only one who is mega scared of the type of men she attracts. Like I keep thinking, Lord is this the one that my vibes call to because I am praying and casting against it oh. Old men (married) will be stepping to you or members of sufferheard Olympics and gatekeepers of misogyny association or fat fetish people. I don’t appreciate this. 

Then the guys I’m attracted to are so slow or taken. Obviously, when I come across taken men I’m quick to shut down whatever attraction because I’m not here for that ‘fight for your man’ rubbish. I cannot be fighting because of man, God forbid. I am bad-market for side chick movements. 

The slow guys are annoying and the problem is that so far Nigerian guys have a complex with girls who make the first move; ask them out first. Most of them start to think they are one kingpin. Sir, please be humble. Yes, I’m attracted to you and want to know you more but you’re not the only man on earth, drop your shoulders. 

Knowing the issues I have I don’t like to sit and wait for someone who’s attracted to me to come up to me first. Please oh, they scare me. So when I’m attracted to you, I want to tell you, go on a few dates and get to know you before I start investing in you or thinking of an actual relationship. We’re adults, two people of the opposite sex should be able to hang out and get to know each other before/ without labels. I shouldn’t be scared that I would be called desperate around friendship groups. Not everyone wants to husband you and tie you down, sometimes come and pick me, we go galavanting and you drop me off. Plus I like to know who I am pursuing with a more romantic flavour and who I am keeping platonic, I don't like mixing so I'd like to hang out to see where you best fit in. Of course, if I’m initiating contact you reserve the right to decline, I respect your autonomy and choice. But if you’ll be leading me on and giggling with friends behind my back, honey I’m not the problem and you have some serious growing up to do.

Sha please Nigerian men please don’t waste my phone number I beg you in God’s name. Just kuku leave it if it’s for decoration purposes. God bless you as you comply. 

I think that's it from me today.

Lovely people feel free to comment and share. What has being single been like for you?

Love from BANNK xxx.

That is your Personal Problem

Hello from your taking-back-my time Bunny,

These last few weeks of being back at uni, as pointed out to me, I have been on savage mode. Savage in terms of just being as explicitly truthful without being bothered by what people will think (don't worry I am not being rude about it).

In a past life, I used to be very truthful, blunt and upfront about how I felt or what I thought but a lot of people accused me of not being NICE. This prompted me to reconstruct myself to accommodate a 'nicer' persona with the fake smiles and added pretence. But at a conference that I attended the speaker pointed out how we have confused niceness for kindness. Kindness doesn't mean doing what someone would like all the time but doing what would be in their best interest regardless of whether it would win their good graces or not.

Humans don't always like to hear the truth, they prefer to hear what makes them feel good even when it is a lie. One thing about being the person that makes people feel good, is that most times you end up being the default emotional dumping ground for the people around you. I found and still find myself being the carrier of jokes to make others laugh so that they are able to, for the moment, forget that which troubles them. It wasn't like I didn't have my own issues weighing me down.  In as much as I love to listen and provide a helping hand or advice when I can; if the person is not willing to change their situation then I might as well be trying to make a wall speak. Being the type of person that gives her all when I call you a friend or family then I am left worrying and disturbing myself about other people's choices to not fix that which is obviously broken or get themselves out of a bad situation. The worst part is when you have the people who would blatantly tell you that they never told you to carry their problems for them (the sad truth is that they never did).

So this summer, being able to spend time by/with myself really put a lot of things into perspective. I learnt that the best thing I can give anyone is putting you in my prayers because there is nobody who is a greater problem solver than God himself. And in certain situations, I can offer physical help (money, my comfort, recommend a doctor etc.) where necessary. As a friend or family, you never have to even ask me to pray for you, I already put my friends and family in my prayers always and if you need me to pray with you or for something specific then I am here.

This phrase "That is your personal problem" is a self-care routine. It encompasses 'I cannot come and die' and 'I cannot come and kill myself' however it is specified to deal with other people's issues. This phrase is for the people who use you to constantly complain about things in their lives and do not seek any solution or change. It is for the people who know that source of their headaches and keep going back to it. It is for the people who don't appreciate the friends and family who try to get them out of a bad situation and would rather insult and snap at them for not minding their business. This phrase is for the people that expect you to solve their life problems while they keep messing it up. This phrase is for the people who want to be silly and want to drag you into that silliness. This phrase is a reminder that other people's lives (how they live it and the decisions that ultimately make) are really their personal problem.

The truth of the matter is that God is God and I am not. I cannot and will not take the place of God and be the answer for all your problems or the person you always rant to; not when you have a father that is ready to listen and help at any time. I have seen people get angry at friends because they didn't have answers for their problems or the answers that they wanted. God is the only one who has all the answers (it is not always what you want but it is what you need). For the people who behave like the aforementioned, you guys abuse the dynamics of friendship and I am here to tell you. Stop being so stuck in your ways. "Change what you cannot accept and accept what you can't change" that is the moral of this post. Your friends are not the ones to make the change, they can help with the process but the decision to change and the effort to do so comes from you.

I hope you have a lovely weekend (I am going to my first Baby Shower this weekend and I can't wait to tell you all about it).

Love Aunty Bunny xxx.

Signs and wonders

Hello from your tired Bunny,

In writing this blog I had to consult my Bible to ensure that I have my facts right. This topic is so dear to my heart and I know that if I don't get what's on my mind out then it will consume me inside.

When the Bible talks about signs and wonders, it is associated with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. They are the ones who equip us with the ability to perform signs and wonders for the glorification of God. They are the ones who also perform signs and wonders as an expression of who they are. I hope you guys are still with me and understand the point I am trying to establish.

i.e. SIGNS AND WONDERS ARE FOR GOD TO PERFORM BY HIMSELF OR THROUGH US.


Ok with that being established then, please tell me, children of God, why one uncle out of nowhere will be sending me so-called signs as a way to tell me he likes me😒 🙃.
ARE YOU A BILLBOARD?!?

Why can't you open your mouth and talk? Is so hard to just use words and actually communicate effectively? Really telling me that I should have seen the signs. Then you get angry that I did not see the signs 🙄

See I am not the type of person who easily sees signs and understands then. Furthermore, I hate to assume or infer things on somebody else's behalf. Even when I am working for a group, I won't just assume a random responsibility without express allocation of that job to me. Like Nigerians like to say "I will not carry somebody's headache".

That's how I'll be deceiving myself that a guy likes me and he will ask me if he ever said anything to me and then put my heart inside the dustbin...ermmm it a no from me. If as a guy, you like and you haven't said anything to me then that is a personal problem for you.

If we start out as friends or we know each other, I will not assume anything because you treat me nicer than the others, or you have a pet name for me or that you spend more time with me or talking to me. If you are feeling like you have invested yourself and your time (or even money) that again is your personal problem. You can carry whatever investment and start going home with it. Afterall, if you don't have the boldness to tell me how you feel, then I am not interested and you were obviously ready for the investment to go to waste.

I sat down for some years thinking a friend of mine liked me because he called me baby and seemed to make extra efforts when it came to my matter. Only for me to discover that 'Baby' is a community name 🤣. I crashed back to reality so quickly it was like they poured ice water on me. Beware of the 'Baby', 'Darling', 'Babe' guys and especially the ones that always send this emoji '😍 ' anyhow (these are community properties, it is not for you alone).

The worst one, the thing I absolutely hate is the "I used to like you" or "I used to have a crush on you" guys. Okkkkk has that paid my rent, tuition or given me a first class??? No! Then keep quiet. What do want me to do with the information? Should I beg you to like me again? Should I call my whole village to help me beg for your like/ crush back? Like, I am really not understanding. Or maybe I should weep that I missed out on you? (TBH most times I want to cry tears of joy that I dodged a bullet because if you cannot simply communicate the fact that you like me then there will be no communication in the relationship). Please leave me alone if you want to exhibit this kind of silliness.

Guy and girls, if you like somebody and you are serious, please just tell them.  Stop playing games, human beings are not playstations. God has given us the spirit of boldness and not of fear; use it! Or you'll miss out on amazing people that are supposed to be in your life. This boldness should also exist when you're making friends or creating networks. If you never take the first step then you'd always wonder what could have been and that is the worst feeling ever.

I hope we all had a wonderful weekend. I pray you all have a fulfilled week ahead even you 'signs and wonders' people. Don't forget to subscribe and comment. Do you agree with what I've said? Do you have your own 'sign and wonders' experience? Please share, I am here to listen.

Love Aunty Bunny xxx.

Aunty Bunny Advises

Hello from your "I've had writer's block for over 3 months" Bunny,

I have written this apology over a dozen times and just left it in my draft. I am so sorry for not updating for so long and I hope you guys have not given up on me.

My friend just sent me a topic to talk about and this opens up my new segment of "Aunty Bunny Advises". This means you can drop questions or topics that you want me to talk about in the comments or in my Twitter DMs (@BKanyip). 

Today's topic is 'How do you maintain a relationship with someone who doesn't like people's opinion?'

If there is a motto that I love to live by, it is to not be concerned by the opinions of man but to focus on the word of God and what makes me happy.

However, no man is an island and if I make a friend, I automatically welcome this person into my life and give them my trust. So I would expect that this friend does not turn a blind eye when I am in the wrong or doing something that would end up being detrimental to me. A characteristic of love is kindness, contrary to popular belief this does not mean niceness or blind adoration. Kindness means having your best interest that I have at heart, whether that means supporting you when you've done something good or correcting you when you've done something wrong.

If you are someone that doesn't like the opinions of others then I have to bluntly tell you not to have friends. Because any friend that cannot tell you the truth or is afraid to do so does not have a true friendship with you. Unfortunately, I have some people in my life that I am unable to correct, talk to or even advice and I know I am not really friends with them even though I might introduce them to a stranger as such. How can I watch you make mistakes or make bad decisions and call you my friend? But some people's attitudes make them so unapproachable. I've had ex-friends who I've advised on certain matters only to see them doing the opposite thing the next day. If I have reached the level of keeping shut when it comes to certain decisions that a friend makes then we are no longer friends, we are acquaintances.

With every rule, there is an exception and even the exception has its own exceptions. If I advise a friend but they make me understand why they will not follow the advice then that is understandable, after all, to take an advice is optional and not mandatory. But most often you find that said friends only come to get your advice so they know your stance on the issue then if it is not in line with theirs then they begin to hide that aspect of their lives away from you.  If you have to hide any aspect of your life from the people that love you then there is something fishy and you know it.

Handling a relationship with someone who doesn't value your opinion is not a headache I can manage. Most of the time, it shows that person doesn't value your input. If it was a guy I was dating that behaved like this then I'd break up with him because this inability to listen to what I want or what I have to say would stay in that relationship unless he changes. He will always undermine me, my input on money, principles, family or anything would just be like talking to a wall because he'd go on to do what he wants anyway. That is a stressful life that I don't want to live. If it were a friend like stated above then that would be the end of the friendship or I'd just be existing around the person and unable to have any deep meaningful interaction with them.

P.S. if a friend or S.O. cannot take my advice then I most likely cannot take theirs. When I am unable to trust your ability to stick to your principles then how can I trust you to help me keep mine? Most advice is based on what someone would do if they found themselves in similar situations and if they do the contrary then you'd have me do the same too.

All in all, I'd say you have the choice on what you want to put out there. If you are unable to take advice then don't ask for it (it a different issue if you want a second opinion but make it clear about what you want to do). If you do have a friend that doesn't take advice, understand that it is their life and they are allowed to live it however they want and irrespective of what I have outlined above, we cannot force people to live how we want them to.

I pray this helps someone out there. I don't want to create discord but tell my truth. Feel free to tell me in the comments what you would do in such a situation.

Love Aunty Bunny xxx.

#SupportYourFriendsAlways

Hello from your peeved Bunny,

Disclaimer: I am about to call out some people, if you have no guilt then you should not have a problem with this post but if you do have a problem then you are guilty and there is no argument about that. I will be making generalisations of family and friends, of course, there are some family and friends that have been so wonderfully supportive and this post is not about you (but do read it as this would be entertaining for you).

P.s. I am taking off all armour of niceness because I am very unhappy at certain behaviours.

I like to consider myself as a very supportive friend and family member, in whatever little way I can (and sometimes it is quite little), I like to lend a helping hand through giving up my time to help, retweeting where I can, helping with adverts, watching or reading posts, buying merchandise, advertising and being a big fan. Even when I feel a product/service is not up to standard I'd tell you and give solutions rather than complain or blackball you. These are little things I like to do to show my love and to help.

Unfortunately, with certain people, I find that this is not reciprocated. I almost have to beg for support (with strangers I don't mind and it is expected as that is a way of selling my product to them), but with family and friends, I don't think I should have to break my back. My really supportive friends are the ones who ask me when my next post is coming, read it, they share with their other friends and encourage me with both positive and constructive advice. However, some people that I call family don't even read my posts talkless of sharing it (I know this because I check my stats). What pisses me off is that you then expect me to be the first in line to support you. Well NO!

I read an article that says you shouldn't always expect friends to support you but I obviously don't agree. Support is not always positive sometimes it is giving CONSTRUCTIVE criticism if you have a problem with their service or product. If that is not the case then what is your excuse? Obviously, my love will not be conditioned on the fact that you have to support me but obviously, your love for me is not true enough to support or encourage my endeavours. It is such an unfortunate reality that people find it hard to get support from their own home which is why they have to look outside for support. This attitude did not start today it has existed since Biblical times. I don't know if over-familiarity has wired people to not support their own but it is disgusting because when these people make it, you so-called family and friends would be the first to proclaim that you know them.

Well if you don't support my beginnings don't expect to enjoy my winnings.

I think that is enough ranting for today. To my wonderful CONSISTENT supporters, I love you guys so much. As you celebrate me God will always celebrate you and when it is time to gbedu, we will gbedu unto the Lord.

Have a great day everyone. Guilty parties please change your ways.

Love Aunty Bunny xxx.