Tutorial: How to become a member of relationship twitter/ instagram!

 

Hello, Bunnies,

First, I refuse to be judged, condemned and disparaged about my absence. You guys honestly have to just take it like that. You know I have mad love for you but in this season of changes, pandemics and even personal health crisis, we have to extend a greater length of grace and manage each other.

However, I have a hot one for you and as a benevolent content creator, I cannot let this pass you by. As you can see from the title, I have come with tips and the formula on how to tension the world with your (real/ perceived) relationship without outrightly stating that you are in a relationship. I want you all to know that this information I am about to impart is from due observation and research, it comes from a great place of knowledge.

Now on to the tips:

Step 1: Find a man, if possible he can be your actual significant other but you can always employ an archetype. 

Step 2: ideally you need Twitter for this but stories also work, you need to tweet the following over a duration of 2-6 months depending on your preference: 

1. "This man (add one of these emojis for spice 🥺😒🙄😏). This tweet can be used multiple times.
2. Close to Christmas or a birthday or valentines you need to hit them with "Shopping for men is so difficult" or if your real or perceived man is on the e choke side the tweet is "What do you get a man who has everything?". 
3. Finally for the Christian Twitter don't forget "I love how intentional this man is about me"

*WARNING: Be careful not to include names in your tweeting in case 'this man' is more than one. Don't look for me if things cast.

Step 3: Now we need sweet shots of you, at the beach, at a restaurant or just in your house. These shots cannot be a selfie, it must be obvious that someone else took the pictures (so we must see both your hands by your side). When you post these pictures no need to say too much in the captions, this is the exact thing you must put:

"❤️❤️❤️ (or any emoji with hearts on it)

📸: Boo/ Baby (this the most important part, feel free to use whatever nauseating nicknames you have)"

Step 4: The shoe picture (if you want to cause more problems ensure it's just one foot of his in the picture with yours). At this stage make sure you've made your choice on the main man because if the others don't have the same shoe in their wardrobe, it's a problem oh.

Step 5: The hands picture with matching watches or his watch should show obvious wealth (make sure he's holding your manicured ring-filled hands so intensely that his veins are popping, all your friends must call you that day)

Step 6: The silhouette picture. This is when you're sure that you've secured this man and he's on his way to proposing (check by asking your friends if they've been asked about the kind of engagement ring you like). 

Step 7: The engagement ring. Hopefully, boo has gone on his knees and you've said yes. Two choices: the hands picture taken from his side showing him holding your newly bejewelled hand or a picture of you hugging him taken from his back showing said bejewelled hand (it is key that boo's face is not yet revealed after all enemies are abound).

Step 8: The pre-wedding photos. TY Bello should be the one to take these oh but you can choose to go with someone else. This is when we will see boo's face for the first time.

Step 9: Introduction/ Traditional wedding picture.

Step 10: Wedding pictures.

Now it is key that you and your man (or woman) don't follow each other on social media or if you have to make sure it's not your main accounts. Better still the account should not be one that is filled with his face and government name, sho get? Make it hard for enemies to track you and your significant other.

Now that I have done God's work, I hope you people will stop shouting at me to post! For those who use my tips and tricks and succeed, I AM THE CHAIRLADY of the occasion and I expect my invitation without delay. 

Have a lovely relationship and tension the world my dears.

Love, 

BANNK xxx.

Update on my life.

Hello, Bunnies,

I am back like the boys (if you don't get this you're too young and please cherish your youth). Obviously as is my usual behaviour, I was supposed to update before now but after becoming recently unemployed (it's a good thing don't worry), I didn't realise how tired I was and I somehow needed to get two years worth of stress off my shoulders. So I have been sleeping and chilling my life away.

Apparently, when I gave my review of 2019, 2020 was snapping her fingers like a wicked Nollywood stepmother waiting to destroy your destiny. What a year it has been, am I right? Since finishing university,  have just been hoping into journeys for milestones with zero breaks. I recently had to document what I have done for the past two years and guys, in a nutshell, I have not been resting but now that I have a small break before I shackle myself to another journey, I am making the most of it. I am indulging my Id to the fullest because this life na one.

I spent most of the year undergoing the mandatory service year in Nigeria, it involved me working in an assigned office which is usually in your field of study so I have been a practising Barrister and Solicitor this past year. Dearly beloved, I have seen things, learnt things too but I have seen and been through things. Thank God that is a stage of my life that I am done with because like everything Nigeria, when you have to interact with her systems, institutions and, to a large extent, people you lose your sanity. You either lose it quickly and step into the shoes of the average Nigerian or it is a slow and antagonising process where you see yourself losing parts of yourself and forcefully have to hold on or reclaim them. I was the latter and I have lost parts of my sanity and I am still looking for them.

So I have successfully lost my hair, clear skin and my sanity.

One of the fascinating things I started this year was K-Dramas and guys, I fell hard into the Korean Entertainment universe because I am also being pulled by K-Pop. It literally started with me being curious in Netflix search area, I already watch Indian, Turkish, Pakistani movies and series but even those don't have such a stronghold on me like K-dramas. Even my Instagram algorithm has changed and is giving me more fancams and Korean stars on my explore page (tbh on a bad day they uplift me so much, the obsession is deep) and my twitter is a semi-stan account.

Started K-Dramas on the 28th of April, 2020 and these are the shows I have watched so far (actually completed series as I have started some and haven't finished them) 

1. Marriage Contract
2. Cinderella and the Four Knights
3. My Secret Romance
4. My contracted husband Mr Oh
5. Oh my Venus*
6. You are My Destiny
7. What's Wrong with Secretary Kim
8. Because this is My First Life*
9. Crash Landing on You
10. Oh My Ghost
11. Itaewon Class
12. Birth of a Beauty
13. Cheese in the Trap
14. My Holo Love
15. Lucky Romance
16. One More Happy Ending
17. Guardian: The Lonely and Great God
18. Love Alarm
19. Strong Girl Bong-Soon
20. Wok of Love
21. My ID is Gangnam Beauty
22. Love and Marriage
23. Her Private Life
24. Hyde, Jekyll, Me
25. The Bride of Habaek
26. Hotel del Luna
27. Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok-Joo
28. My Secret Terrius

*Dramas I have watched twice.

Feel free to comment on new shows or which of the above dramas you really loved. Anyhoo, that most of my update for you guys, I am honestly trying to update more and be more consistent but looking at my new obsessions they might become very K-drama centred but that not a problem because a new goal is to break into the Korean market 😌. 

(I have no new images to add to the post so I included an avi creation I did of my ideal look and here is the link to create yours if you want to https://picrew.me/image_maker/380116).

Love,
BANNK xxx.

MOURNING...

Have you ever mourned, the loss,

Of self? 

I walk down my memories. 

Seeing what was once a familiar person,

I try to match the eyes, skin, expressions.  

Back in reality, the mirror,

I’m met with sad, dim eyes. 

Cracked,

Where there were once sparks. 

Skin, dull, rough. 

You can see exhaustion. 

Constantly. 

Smiles that seem forced,

A laugh with no heart or soul,

An act of being ok. 

I can tell. 

My past self feels outside of current me. 

An existence of long ago. 

How did she hold onto

Peace, hope, joy and laughter?

I’ve forgotten. 

Doesn’t seem like I ever have...held on. 

It’s hard to make efforts now. 

This self feels like a shell,

Hallow and empty 

But heavily weighted.  

Breaking my back, lowering my head. 

My heart is heavy,

Yearning,

Questioning what went wrong, 

When her other self passed. 

Did she pass?

Is she lost?

Can we be back?

I try to reach for her. 

She’s a great distance away. 

I want to close the gaps

But at every turn, the path back changes.  

I find no joy in doing the things she did. 

I try, I fail. 

That’s our bridge. 

It’s fading. Losing our connection. 

Yes, I am mourning, the loss of myself. 

RIP 2019, the evil you have done is enough.

Hello, Bunnies,

So I am going to take you on a trip of my 2019, by the title you can probably see that I am not exactly the cheerleader of this year. I was gonna skip on this post but a dear friend encouraged me to write it and you know how I said I use a 'productive' thing to procrastinate another, wellllllll here we are at the tail end of 2019 and a sis is still the damn same person, mad o.

So twenty-freaking-nineteen, wow! In a nutshell, I hated the whole year, God forgive me but I went through this year thinking if I died then that could be the best mercy God shows me because *I'm lost for words*. I remember in April, during the remembrance of my late friend, I just kept thinking how flipping jealous I am of her, to be dead and not having to live the life I’m living this 2019 was all I could focus on.

First of all, Christmas of 2018 was so sucky I did not exactly have the best transition into the New Year. We had gotten a short break from law school which we had just resumed in November and being the overzealous person that I was (re: am), I was trying to be on top of my notes and studying game. So I was barely sleeping, resting or having fun, my life was consumed with textbooks and old materials I got from friends. No offence, but that was a waste of insanity because trust everything about Nigeria to not make sense or be organised. So that build-up of stress and mental torture found a way to physically manifest in what would be one of the many breakdowns that my health saw in this fantastic year of 2019.

I had been diagnosed with a medical condition known as Hidradenitis Supprativa aka HS (google it if you like but I will not be held responsible for whatever feelings come out of that. I may or may not write or film about what living with it has been like. I don't know, no assurances). Anyhoo, so one of the triggers is stress and here I am in Nigeria, the stress capital of the world and going to law school (LOL). My friends now know that stress is not my friend even when I am smiling and keeping an ‘unpanicked’ demeanour, the rest of my body will reveal my stress through flare outs linked to my medical condition (so fun).

To make matters worse I was in law school being stressed for reasons that I could not justify because guess what guys, I had realised in my first year of uni that I did not want to practice law, in fact, I wanted to be as far away from the profession as possible (2019 did not let me do this. And whilst some of you believe my kidney is tied to this profession, I will fight tooth and nail till I’m free). I stuck it through uni because I did not want to quit, a part of me hoped I'd love the profession again but I didn't. So going to law school seemed very redundant for my new ambitions but I honestly wasn't too clear on the new profession I wanted, I didn't want my degree to be incomplete without qualifying professionally somehow and most importantly I didn't want to disappoint my parents.

So a week after resuming back to law school in January, I was bedridden and in a hellish amount of pain because my body had reached a breaking point and was pushing back. At times like these, my doctors begin to pump me with painkillers and antibiotics. There isn't a cure for the condition, the antibiotics, sometimes... most times, and painkillers barely make a difference (painkillers would sometimes numb pain but not properly, cause you can still feel a tenderness). I spend most of my life living in unfathomable pain, pain so intense I sometimes feel delirious, it means I can't sleep, depending on where the flare out is, limbs have to be placed out of commission. It is a chronic condition and can only be managed. And you see flare outs can last anything from a week to a year which means you have open painful lesions on your body (and sometimes they are draining fluids). I remember the week of my birthday when a lesion just started bleeding in class, the handkerchief that I was using to try and stop the bleeding was drenched in blood and I had to run to the car to escape a mortifying situation 🤣.

Between January and July, I'd have more minor flare outs that required less fanfare but the next memorable crisis was June/July. I was undergoing my externship at a law office and in the middle of a gathering, I felt a wetness and just wished a hole would swallow me whole. I had been in pain for weeks and just managing myself and going through the motions hoping the externship would end before any proper crisis. I hate explaining my condition to people especially Nigerians seeing as they are some of the least emotionally intelligent people I know. Trust them not to prove me wrong, some people physically jumped from me thinking I was contagious (oh fools) and the questions came, the one million and one recommendations on what I should stop doing, starting doing and the new prayer houses to try, like I haven’t tried everything already. Owing to home training galore all I did was smile and say thank you.

One thing about my condition is that I could be in agony and no one would notice, I take painkillers (very frequently) and just live with/through the pain, my mum tends to know something is up when I start keeping to myself more than usual. I could be limping through the office from pain and very few people would notice, I have a love and hate relationship with this, I love that no questions would be asked but on the other hand, when I am not able to come to work because I have reached my limit, people think I am faking or exaggerating, they don't take me seriously. In the UK, I was registered with a disability at uni and with a people that regard welfare, I wouldn't have to say too much for people to be understanding. That is the main thing I lack here, no one truly understands. Some people try and I give them props but with it not being their lived reality they easily and frequently lose the plot.

I have spoken a lot about my health and why is that key to how sucky my 2019 was. Well, you see I was diagnosed in 2016 and my doctors and I in the UK had made tremendous strides in managing my condition.  It just took being back in Nigeria for less than half a year for me to feel like I'm back at zero, actually, it is worse than it has ever been. Everything in Nigeria regarding healthcare is either not accessible/available or it is ridiculously expensive so my routine has been thrown off fantastically. What is available here, whilst being the price of an arm and a kidney, is substandard. While I would use a drug at 75mg and get the required results in the UK, 100mg in Nigeria is not even making a quarter of the difference. So, the year 2019 and Nigeria has seen to the trashing of the small progress I made in regard to my health (both physical and mental). The extent of it is that whilst writing my bar finals I was on antibiotics and clinging to every dose of my painkillers so the pain and stress didn't drive me up a wall, the week of my call I was on IV (drip) antibiotics (because my body has become quite resistant and the only ones I am still sensitive to are in IV form) and at about 12am Christmas 2019 I had to get a shot to deal with the intense pain from yet another flare out. I proper hate this year guys. My family members that have witnessed my crises have said to just go back abroad and just reside there, at least access to good medical care is more assured.

I am not even going to get into my mental breakdowns (as seen from above I wished to die so 🤷🏾‍♀️). Every insecurity (weight, body, being ill, feeling inadequate and undesirable etc.) that was buried deep down or non-factor in my past life came to live with me side by side, day by day. Some were unearthed by people (some people I even rated) but experience did most of the work. Law school made me feel dumb, I felt so undeserving of all my past victories because here I was at the climax and it was kicking my ass. So yeah that was also hell manifested on earth. For the most part, it felt like I couldn't talk to anyone because no one was actually hearing me or understanding me. I lost my mind and then just started floating, still am tbh. Everything just became 'if I die I die' but I was going to put in the necessary effort to know I tried and effort that won't stress me. This I did because the little voice of 'Benny past' kept saying not to let law school beat me, actually, it said not to let anything bring me back to law school and thank God for that win (but again after hell my grade... you know what let me keep quiet and just be grateful for the win). I have not in any way or form dealt with my mental health or insecurities appropriately so I am still in a very vulnerable place, I am faking so much for now but that only works for a while without proper help.

Additionally, this was the year, sons of Adam also tried a sis and my dear sistas and sisters, men are mad and really not worth shit. I kept asking my friend if idiot or clown was written on my head because I don't know what or who gave these men the green light to try me. I also briefly wore my clown outfit this year and never again, please. Men only like wickedness and that's all I have available for them since they think I am Bobo the fool ✌🏾.

Guys, I don't have the strength to even properly lay out how my relationship with God has gone to the birds but a cumulation of being in Nigeria and all the hell of this year has made it so hard not to carry resentment towards God. A lot of my walk this year has been hella performative so I don't get asked questions but I know the truth and so does he. With each health crisis, and there has been a lot, I honestly look to the heavens and think is this the love, are these your plans because this is not what I want. So there's that.

I have written a lot, a lot more than I have cumulatively done this year and there are still spheres of my life I have not touched. But those are not as glaring as what I have mentioned above. Most of the things I haven't spoken about can be dealt with simply if you like yourself don't come back to Nigeria or japa if you're still here. Lack of infrastructure and a working system and aspects of society and culture that stifles you would kill your spirit with such severity and intensity you'd be left shellshocked.

The 'always see the silver lining' me wants to tell you how at the end of the day there was 'the sun after the rain' and 'darkness turned into morning'. Fair enough. Jehovah overdo in the ember months for my family from call to bars to promotions to birthdays and anniversaries. Cute sturvs. But this ranting me that is quite fed up is saying I could have well been abroad sending the necessary congratulatory messages without my health suffering for it 😊

I have been through it this 2019 and I can't wait for this year to be just a topic of trauma for my therapist and not my actual reality. So 2020, I am begging you with everything in me, using my call to bar certificate that came about as a result of blood, sweat, tears and other bodily fluids, please don't disgrace me. I have suffered sufficient suffer, abeg. I want good health, peace, prosperity, credit alerts especially in forex form, I want clear skin (because that's another thing 2019 took from me), snatched waist, flat stomock for myself, my family and friends. 2020 I HOPE YOU ARE PAYING ATTENTION BECAUSE ONE THING MUST NOT MISS FROM THIS LIST, IN FACT, ADD SWEET POSITIVE THINGS like friends with sense, car, any son of Adam with clown tendencies being blind to my person etc.


I pray for a lovely 2020 for you all too. I also pray your 2019 was not as shit as mine.

Well, Bunnies, Happy New Years! Here's to hoping I become a consistent blogger in 2020, AMEN.

PS. If you're an HS survivor I'd LOVE to hear from you.


Love,
BANNK xxx.

Drift

I hold my affections in my hands

With no place to channel it,

No one to hold it.

Just me. 

I look at it in all its abandonment 

And I hold it close,

Because it has no one.

As I don't. 

I learnt to not have my heart on my sleeve. 

I learnt to barely keep my heart within me. 

I’ve drifted my heart and affections far,

Hoping to be the only one capable of hurting me. 

So what happens now?

I send them off like Moses,

Blanketed. Secured. 

Drifted. Away. 

For the time being, they will be away from me,

I’ll be pain-free. 

Numb. 

It doesn’t end here. 

Because I hope,

It finds a home. 

Acceptance. 

Reciprocity. 

Maybe for once, my affection won't know neglect. 

It could blossom. 

Grow. 

Thrive. 

If it doesn’t then it shall drift and drift. 

If abandoned again,

I shall bid another farewell 

And bid as many as I have to. 

The end game is to feel (love or) nothing at all. 

Rejection

Hello, Bunnies,

Let's talk about Rejection!

Something that is going to happen if you decide to shoot your shot at life. Is it painful? Yes? Can you avoid it? Yes. But in doing so you miss out on the possible shots that would lead to life-altering outcomes. 

You’re gonna get rejected in some form and to some degree in life. A fact. It could be by a romantic interest, a school, a job or even family. You could be rejected in totality or partially (eg. when people say not now to a request of yours). Let’s be honest even God has ‘rejected’ some of the requests you’ve made of him because it’s wasn’t for you or it wasn’t the time to grant said request. 

We have to normalise rejection. We need to stop looking at it as if the person loses value solely by virtue of rejection. Rejection should teach you. Not make you afraid to experience the world.  

What I have learnt from my rejections:

• I need to build up a new skillset 
• I need to keep learning and developing on what I already have
• My skills are not suited here so look elsewhere 
• I need to be patient
• Just keep pushing until something hits
• I am still Benny ‘mother flipping’ Kanyip

I’m trying to keep the lens of positivity, even in the midst of rejection, very active. It’s so easy to feel less than or lacking. Because when you’re rejected all you hear is I don’t want you and that’s a hard pill to swallow. 

My rejection story

In a nutshell, a shot my shot and the shot didn't shot and I didn't die. (🤣)
To be honest, I did develop a nice friendship with my shotee and he was really helpful in school.
[Dear shotee is you're reading this, HI!]
________________________________________________________________________________

On the flip side, we need to balance out the belief that someone has lost you means they now have some form of lack in their life. Honey that’s a lie. A coping mechanism. Someone can reject you and go on to get someone/ something valuable too. I know we say this to help swallow the bitter pill but an additional bitter pill is that not everyone’s world comes crashing down because you’re not in it. 

Please, the fact that you’ve been rejected doesn’t justify you acting out. You can’t go bad-mouthing or hurting the person that rejected you. The solution/ reaction to rejection is moving the flip on. People reserve the right to choose who they want in their life and that choice should be respected. 

Romantically, if you’re rejected because the other party doesn’t find you rich enough or pretty enough or whatever enough then move on and find someone who thinks you’re enough. Let the other party find their own enough too. You never want to be with someone who thinks you’re not enough so don’t think this is the opportunity to wear them down or show them up, just leave them alone. Some people will reject you because they are not in a place for a relationship, whatever reason you're given (lies or truth) just keep living your life. Remember someone could flat out not want you and that is ok (for them and for you)

Career-wise, do find out why you were rejected because it presents an opportunity for self-development, which is never a bad idea. If you are being rejected for a discriminatory reason do take the appropriate actions because another person like you should not have to suffer bigotry. 

Rejection is ok, rejection is an inevitable part of living.

Obviously,  I didn't delve too deeply into it on my rejection story but you know the main gist. What are your rejection tales?

I pray you're able to take rejection in stride and keep shooting all necessary shots.

Love BANNK xxx.

River Boy

River boy. 

I want to dip into you, 

I gravitate to you,

Something pulls me in. 

A little bit of current events,

I’m swayed 

By your waves. 

Moving in my mind, us,

Side to side,

A dance of love,

Swirling, round

Together, synchronised. 

Sometimes it’s like

I’m floating, suspended, 

Caressed 

By the touch of the river. 

I could drown in you,

Easily. 

Be filled up,

Complete drenched. 

Our love would be interesting,

Fluid like the river in you. 

Strong, stable,

Like the mountains I come from. 

River Boy, too bad I don’t swim. 

My Hair and Me

“Any woman with kinky textured hair - can wear it, love it and manage it. She only needs the right tools, inspiration and motivation.”
― Monica Millner

Hello Bunnies,

How are we?

So in recent times (the last three years) I've getting hella compliments on my hair. I'd literally be walking and people will stop me to tell me how nice my hair is, how they love my hair etc. I am not here to brag - my hair is really lovely though but even I didn't know this 5 years ago.

My hair hasn't always been great, in fact, my hair was a prayer point until four years ago. I am going to give you a timeline to understand what I and talking about

Age 0 - 1: I was born with nice hair, a full head of hair but like most black mums of our generation, my mum had it relaxed as soon as I was old enough so it was easier to manage (even in Africa there was subpar knowledge on how to take care of our own unprocessed hair, thank you colonisers).

Age 1 - 9: My hair got relaxed every month and even then it would get 'due' (need relaxing again) really quickly but I was young, I could still do my coloured braids and weave so I wasn't really bothered.

Age 10: I hated making my hair actually, my scalp is so sensitive so even my coloured braids and weaves were a b**** to make. And I went to a primary school that gave hairstyles to do every week (kuku peel my scalp). Well at this time I was very fed up with hair braiding and my mum was fed up with me so she said 'If you don't make your hair we're going to cut it' and immediately said 'let's do it'. So I cut my hair. I was even going to a secondary school where you cut your hair in September so I didn't care.

Age 10 - 11: I spent two terms in my first secondary school so my hair was getting cut every school holiday.

Still 11: I moved to new school in the final term of JSS 1/ Year 7 so my mum and I figured since this school isn't finicky about hairstyles let's start trying to grow your hair. Since I had a little growth from second term and the holiday we relaxed my hair so it looks longer. Let's just say LOL to the state of my hair in that period.

Age 12 - 15: This whole period is a big LOL for the state of my hair and the climax of my hair insecurities. So this period was a combination of relaxing, cutting, attempted braids which was all an epic fail. If my hair annoyed me that day, like I couldn't put a comb through it, I'd just go cut it (my mum was tired of me). My hair was so unhealthy and damaged and was not growing. And certain people in my school would make side comments about my hair that used to get to me. On one occasion I remember  making cornrows and one girl in my boarding house made a comment and I took it out that very day. My school let you do every and anything to your hair but you could not use any form of extensions (weaves or braids). So with me hating my hair in braid, I'd mostly attempt a ponytail when the hair was long enough, in my final year though I had a teacher that was constantly on my case about my hair and I could do anything with it because the only way it would stay in braids without unravelling is if I used extensions that are not allowed. SO I ended up getting a Rihanna cut (short at the back and long in from).

Age 16: I went to A-levels, now I could use extensions for braids and weaves which is what I did. I was also still relaxing my hair in my first year of A-levels. But during this particular holiday when I was home, I remember that I relaxed my hair and by the next week when I went to was my hair and get a weave done (at a different salon), the woman who was washing the hair was complaining that my hair was due for another relaxing. LOL madam I just relaxed this hair last week (she was in shock). Sha that is when I decided that the relaxer life was not for me, tbh I've always had issues with relaxers, I couldn't use adult relaxers cause they burnt me like hell and the children's one (which still burnt me) was not doing much for my hair. So I began transitioning.

Age 17 - 19: I was actually enjoying being natural. But my hair wasn't doing so great in the beginning of my journey. Part of reason being that I was learning on the job and my routine and products were not set down. But my friends that I met in uni started giving me tips, introducing me to better products and helping me make and manage my hair so I stared to see some progress. Then I also decided to go back to my roots and tweaked the routine my friends helped me establish. I started using a mixture of oils I made (the key ingredients being palm kernel oil) and my hair game changed. Palm Kernel oil is a family secret for greatness (of the skin and hair). We use it for the babies in our family but stop when they get older. So I figure if this was so effective why not give it a try and man it is good to go back to your roots.

Age 19: My hair was so luscious and full and the compliments were not even sought after any more cause they were everywhere. But I was also I bit frustrated with it cause I know what she could be and she wasn't at her full potential. So I did a big chop. My friends and mum wanted to chew me, everyone kept saying how it won't grown again and I'll learn my lesson (hahaha). But I assured them (with faith cause even I was apprehensive) that the hair will come back. I knew my hair now, I had my products and routine down. I actually know what I am doing with her now.

Age 20 - present: I cut my hair November 2017 by April 2018 I could no longer pull on my wig without braiding my hair down. WHAT!!! See God. By November 2018, my hair was back to the length it was when I cut it the year before (and that had originally taken me two years to grow). Now I have people stopping me to compliment my hair, people asking me for tips and product recommendations. Never knew this could be me. I because of the journey I know it's not because of genetics (that gave my a full head of hair and a mad good but confused curl pattern that I still love) but that wasn't the only player in achieving a healthy head of hair.

So that has been the journey with my hair. I hope you enjoyed it.

Love BANNK xxx.

Did we Finesse 20?!?!?

Hello, my Bunnies,

If you're reading this then your girl just turned TWENTY-ONE 🤯 

For the longest time, I was trying to figure out the marker that 21 came with. In the US I know that's when people can legally drink but I'm from Nigerian and was in the UK so that was 18 for me. 20 was the end of being considered a teen so what are you doing 21? But I recently found out that in Nigeria you could only get a Certificate of Occupancy (legal title to land) at 21, younger people have to have a guardian. So, guys, I can 'own' land (if you're a legal practitioner in Nigeria you'll understand why own is in quotation marks). TBH, I have been telling everyone that I want landed property so HINT HINT.

Usually, I like my birthdays to be very reflective of how far I've come, lessons I've learned and whatnot. Last year as you all might remember, I said I wanted a chill year (insert LOL here). I am going to be very honest with this reflection today. Twenty felt like a mess and was not easy at all. I think I had the most breakdowns at 20; mentally, emotionally and physically. The age started out well with my mum being around for the first birthday in four years, I usually have my birthday during school terms, by the time I moved to the UK I didn't have any birthdays with my family around. So it was really nice having her there.

I had spent the Christmas holiday doing coursework and an exam with no sleep and hella stressed. So fast forward a few weeks when the results came out and I was shattered. One of my coursework, the one I had poured everything I had, came back with an unimpressive result. This was my final year and every single grade mattered. This kick-started the first of may breakdowns. At this point too, my social life was not doing great and not everyone could understand that my plate was too full and I was overwhelmed and needed space to just regroup. Seeing as I was dealing with academics, health and extracurricular commitments, my timetable was full.

I made peace with the grade, I figured I needed to up my game on the next ones cause I still had a tonne waiting for me. So I got feedback from teachers, got advice on what to do in the next ones, committed it all to God and started my research and work early. Using the advice from the first essay, I, again, poured and gave my everything to the next coursework and again subpar result with equally subpar feedback was given back. I'm like Jesus do I have to give up my kidney. Whilst on the second wave of coursework, I find myself in the emergency room (through everything my health wasn't top notch but I'm being hit left and right in final year...WOW). Ended up having incisions made in my neck (fantastic sturvs). But you know life is not gonna stand still for me so we move. I'm popping pain meds given by my doctors and putting my concerns and worries in my back pocket because I didn't have time nor strength to be distracted. Onto the next coursework again (I had four waves of coursework and each wave consisted of two coursework). This one came with better results in one of them, the other was a headache but we move guys. Final wave was so close to exams so results came out with final exam grades so I just turned that one in and returned to revising for the exam modules I had.

Mans trying to revise and keep stress levels down at the same time (extreme sport). Anyhoo, one week plus to exams and I can't move my right hand (my dominant hand...like Nigerians would say 'why not kuku kill me'). I had just been told by Disability that new arrangements have been for my examinations, I could type instead of write and my hand can't move and I am in pain. So revising is not even my biggest worry anymore, I couldn't move and I couldn't sleep. My friends literally had to come to my place to spoonfeed me our work materials. Now deferring exams seemed like the most logical thing to do. However, your girl doesn't want to be set back a year. How you may be wondering. Well if I deferred, then exams would be in August (and I have no assurance that my health would have fixed up) and then Graduation would have been December. That would mean missing the Bar 1 batch that resumed in July (there's only one batch in Nigeria) and having to wait till 2019 to start law school. A big no in my book. So I pushed through, I remember telling God "You know I have no strength and my trust is wholly in you. I won't be the person writing that exam because my physical body can barely stay up but I have you and that's all I need". I wrote my two papers and now it was time to wait.

When the results came out, I was so happy because I was graduating with no setback. Graduation was assured. The overall qualification wasn't what I would have wanted but I had been through hell and YOUR GIRL IS GRADUATING. Funny enough my two exam papers had good grades, can you see God. But something came and put a hefty amount of sand, in fact, concrete, inside my garri. The results for the final wave of coursework came out and what was showing in the student portal and the result portal was not the same. EXCUSE ME BUT WHAT IS GOING ON? So I am contacting every and anybody I could but no one is replying me even my personal tutor (who is your first point of contact in uni). I haven't told my parents or friends about results cause I am not even sure if it is mine or not. Me that was content before, I am now panicking and worried and graduation is how many weeks away. Plis dears. I had to eventually message the Dean of my faculty. They 'corrected' the error and said degree classification was still the same thing. But the lack of urgency they had and the dismissive attitude toward their own failings sent me to my next bout of crying. I woke up crying and slept crying. Like how am I sure this is the only mistake and I can't even appeal it because, one, I have limited time in the country before law school and two I didn't fail so I have no standing for appealing. Sha I eventually had to tell my parents (especially my dad) and they were very understanding. My father literally said 'wipe your tears, have your bath and eat. You're graduating abi? You will go to law school and show them. We learn from this but focus on the next challenge'.

So I came home and went to law school. To the glory of God, Bar 1 went well. TBH when I think of my degree I feel anger but I sideline it because I can't be dwelling on the past. Another thing that's made 20 so stressful definitely has to be my health (there was always something new to cause pain and stress over. I was seeing my doctors more frequently than I would have liked). Plus the stress of law school, Nigeria and its climate aren't making matters easy but we what...WE MOVE. 20 wasn't all drabby, I graduated, my brother graduated, my dad was conferred with a fellowship, my cousin got married. Even though I was honestly broken hearted over everything, it would be ungrateful to not recognise the hand of God in everything. I was not the best of Jesus babies cause I was very unhappy, I was not in a good place and it felt like I was just going through the tunnel with no sight of the light at the end. I didn't have my chill 20 and I am not where I'd like to be. However, I will be highly cliche and hopeful that I am where I need to be and nothing is a waste in the grand scheme of things.

Did I #Finesse20? It might not feel like it but Benny Kanyip you definitely handled 20 and all its hurdles with impressive delicacy and skill. You're still alive and kicking and you are in the next phase of your life. The road was tough and painful but by the grace of God, we're here.

So here's is recommitting things to God, every day, every minute, every second and that is why this is going to be #Hallelujah21 because no matter what happens that is what we shall be saying from this day forth.

You guys should go on my Instagram and see the montage I made documenting #Finesse20. I am immensely grateful to my family and friends for making #Finesse20, when I watch the montage I can't help but feel so blessed for the people I have in my life. Like I have to give a special shoutout to my uni friends for making uni amazing; my GIFT family, Helen, Safiya, Debby, Kechi, Dami, Simi, Ana, Simran and I especially have to thank Sandra and Maria (these were the people spoonfeeding me my revision when I couldn't move) and Maria was doing hospital runs with me. Sorry, I can't mention everyone but I am immensely grateful for the people I met in uni. I am also so grateful for Law School friends; new and old ones who I reconnected with. These are honestly the people that make you see that God is real and that he loves you. God bless you all, I love you.

Happy Birthday to me. Cheers to a Hallelujah filled 21.

Lots of love from BANNK xxx.

Being a Single Nigerian Girl...

...In your 20s with a degree. HOW DARE YOU?

Hello, my Bunnies, I’m backkkkkk.

You! Nigerian Girl! Yes you, how can you come back from university without huzzband? Or boyfriend? Or we’re just friends Ma? A fine girl like you with hometraining galor and wife material kilometres long. It’s like you’re not serious, oya come and be collecting unnecessary side comments. 

Society/ Relatives

Please dear parentals, uncles and aunties, huzzband or boyfriend is not inside a shop or growing on a tree. You said we should read our books and focus on our education so why are you disturbing me about boy now?

Furthermore, since my cousin got married (yey!) and I'm the next oldest granddaughter, I’ve noticed that everyone has been looking at me: 'you're next', 'remaining you'. Please move back, a little backer and free me. If he comes, he comes, don’t stress me, please.  

Moreover, will a man give me a one-way ticket to heaven? 

Abeg leave single people alone, singleness is not a disease. Some of you even say 'eyaaa' when your friend tells you they’re single, are you alright? Eya fire. If I start saying 'pele' to you taken people, you’ll start having heartburn. Live your life, I live my life. 

Dating Scene

The dating scene in Nigeria is giving me a headache. Sha this is the only scene I’ve navigated because this is the only time I’m perceptive to the idea of dating. So I’m finally paying attention to the scene. 

First of all, am I the only one who is mega scared of the type of men she attracts. Like I keep thinking, Lord is this the one that my vibes call to because I am praying and casting against it oh. Old men (married) will be stepping to you or members of sufferheard Olympics and gatekeepers of misogyny association or fat fetish people. I don’t appreciate this. 

Then the guys I’m attracted to are so slow or taken. Obviously, when I come across taken men I’m quick to shut down whatever attraction because I’m not here for that ‘fight for your man’ rubbish. I cannot be fighting because of man, God forbid. I am bad-market for side chick movements. 

The slow guys are annoying and the problem is that so far Nigerian guys have a complex with girls who make the first move; ask them out first. Most of them start to think they are one kingpin. Sir, please be humble. Yes, I’m attracted to you and want to know you more but you’re not the only man on earth, drop your shoulders. 

Knowing the issues I have I don’t like to sit and wait for someone who’s attracted to me to come up to me first. Please oh, they scare me. So when I’m attracted to you, I want to tell you, go on a few dates and get to know you before I start investing in you or thinking of an actual relationship. We’re adults, two people of the opposite sex should be able to hang out and get to know each other before/ without labels. I shouldn’t be scared that I would be called desperate around friendship groups. Not everyone wants to husband you and tie you down, sometimes come and pick me, we go galavanting and you drop me off. Plus I like to know who I am pursuing with a more romantic flavour and who I am keeping platonic, I don't like mixing so I'd like to hang out to see where you best fit in. Of course, if I’m initiating contact you reserve the right to decline, I respect your autonomy and choice. But if you’ll be leading me on and giggling with friends behind my back, honey I’m not the problem and you have some serious growing up to do.

Sha please Nigerian men please don’t waste my phone number I beg you in God’s name. Just kuku leave it if it’s for decoration purposes. God bless you as you comply. 

I think that's it from me today.

Lovely people feel free to comment and share. What has being single been like for you?

Love from BANNK xxx.

Living the Creative 'Dream"

Hello, Bunnies,

It's been a while since I wrote something that wasn't (like) poetry. The reason being that I haven't had anything I wanted to talk about or that I could talk about (yet). However, God has blessed me with some writing inspiration today.

For those who don't know or who are new, I am a creative spirit. Bringing things to reality from my imagination makes me so happy, gives me joy and is one of my purposes. Here are the creative things I do

• I write 
• I sing
• I am a photographer
• I act
• I dabble in fashion (putting together outfits, drawing outfits for my tailor to make). This I do for myself and mum only.

These things are not easy to do, at all. Without the understanding that these are God-given talents that exist outside of people's acceptance, I'd probably have packed up and given up a long time ago. That understanding is what has kept me practising and training my talents because God knows I do not get adequate support and encouragement to keep me going. Shoutout to the day 1s who read, share and check up on me, I love you. But on the grander scale, real supporters are few. If I calculate based on the "family and friends" I have, the real supporters are not even 10% (not those who lie and can't even humour me with a retweet). I'm not here to call people out, I don't have that energy. Hence why the foundation is not on human beings. The people you expect to be supporting you are MIA, the blogs and books are not pulling in the numbers and you're wondering why you even bother. You feel like you will never build that fan base or get that recognition. Are you really deceiving yourself with that 'Creative' title?

At this point in the creative journey, you have to take a step back (you don't want to do this because it's forward ever and backwards never but you have to). Take a step back an ask yourself, is there a greater recognition and acceptance of you than that of God and yourself. Your creative work is an extension of yourself and if it is something that took a while for you to get confident in and you feel vulnerable. You're putting an intimate part of you out to the world saying 'hello, see me', 'I want to relate to you', 'can you relate to me', 'am I interesting?', 'am I as good as I think?', 'am I worth it?'. That is scary and so exposing. Unless you can understand that the answers to the above questions have always been a yes from God and should be a yes from you before anyone else then your creative journey will be insecure and unpleasant. You'll always think the worth of your work is dependent on people and that can break you. Not everyone will like what you do and that is ok, support will not come from where you expect it and that is ok because the day you're supposed to blow you will find your audience and your additional support. It will be so ridiculous that people will be coming out of the woodworks recommending you, sharing your work and they will even be strangers. 

“You become a writer by writing...somewhere out there is a reader for your book” - Margaret Atwood

So just keep training and improving that talent. People hardly ever see the behind the scenes but they definitely appreciate quality finished work. If you don't train how will you be ready for your day in the spotlight. Creatives bloom when they are supported and encouraged (no man is an island) but you need to be self-providing for a while before people see the vision that you saw from the very beginning. My dear creative don't be discouraged, don't give up and don't stop creating. Regardless of when or if these additional supporters come, you can always count on two people telling you well done; God and you.

"Sometimes you just gotta crown yourself and be your own hype man. Know you're a Queen first. Others can be late to your coronation but you shouldn't be." - Benny (freaking) Kanyip [Queen in training] 👸🏾

Love from BANNK xxx.

You

Sometimes the sunken place

calls a little too loudly,

appears a little bit too close,

seems a little too familiar. 

Sometimes sitting here

in this hole

is all I know

all I can do. 

Wouldn't it be so nice

not to know you,

not to be closer to you than any other person. 

So nice. 

We've gone without each other,

Sometimes,

Been a distant memory, a past event

to each other. 

But we're at crossroads again,

would you pull me in,

would I walk away?

I don't want to know you, the emptiness can't take over.

CrushED

Her eyes stalked his every move,

Her heart could track him without a GPS,

His steps were carved on every heartbeat. 

What was this obsession? 

When did she become like this?

One human consumed her;

She was drowning in emotions she could not control,

That she couldn’t comprehend, 

That she didn’t want.

Here was a free bird who kept herself free-

Suppressed, constrained by her own heart.

She felt the weight of his presence 

Like thick smoke choking the atmosphere;

She was longing for what her mind didn’t want,

What was her nightmare 

Summer of Culture

Hello from your Chubby Bunny,

This year I had the pleasure of exploring the UK and I am here to dazzle you with how cultured I am now. For the first time, I will be including exclusive photographs taken by moi and of moi (you guys should feel honoured...jokes).

I worked with the International Summer school at my university and I had a grand time. I got to meet a lot of students from all over the world, make many new friends and we got to go on trips to various parts of the UK (most places I had not been to myself so it was a treat for me too). These places included Cambridge, Oxford, Liverpool, Shrewsbury and Staffordshire (here are some pictures:)

(I almost bought myself a castle but it wasn't big enough...jokes)

I went to my first ballet this summer. WARNING: if you are going to a ballet always read the synopsis or you will be very lost during the performance. I spent the first half of the show say 'huh?' with my friends and I needed the almighty Google to come to my rescue during intermission. Once I had familiarised myself with the story, the second part was easier to watch and I even understood the whole thing.

I was able to go on a little vacation with my best friend and we went to Blackpool. It was absolutely necessary for the body and mind. I got to actually leave my house for once and every day that we were there I got to explore the city.

Blackpool was so lovely to visit we stayed in the sweetest hotel that was more or less a resort (pictures below). They had a pool, a spa, gym and even a golf course. Trust your Bunny to be at the spa as soon as she arrived 😁. I only hated the poor wifi we got in our room and the food needed some added flair (*coughs* seasoning) but aside from that, I'd give them a 7 out of 10.

On our first day out in Blackpool, we were met with over 50mph winds and we never expected it. The Blackpool tower eye was even shut down (that's how serious it was). And being the newbie tourist, I never know that these winds could rip my glasses off my face and have it travelling through the streets of Blackpool. 😑  I was not amused. I am basically blind without my glasses, I cannot see details and small things; just shapes and colours. So I was blindly chasing my glasses with the winds still pushing them further away from me. And my so-called best friend was paying zero attention while I was screaming for help (BTW I am accepting applications for her replacement) but I got my glasses and my day wasn't ruined and neither were my glasses.

I got to go to the circus that day and the dungeon but I found the circus scarier than the latter. People hanging in the air without some form of a safety net below them was not good for my heart. The next day we finally got to go to the tower eyes as the winds had reduced (so no runaway glasses). After we proceded to Pleasure Beach, which is an amusement park and I also got to see how my so-called BFF had little love for me. She expected me to go on rides that had you tumbling upside down and had you almost seeing the Heavenly host...erm that a big NO from me (more reasons to replace her).

(yes, I went on the fairly odd parents' ride, sue me😁)

So I had a beautiful summer and as customary, it came with a few silly pictures because life is too short to have only serious pictures

Being able to travel to these places has ignited the spark in me that fuels my love for travelling. I got to be a carefree Black Queen enjoying life. I have not been able to travel much since 2011 and I've missed it. Seeing a new city and experiencing a new culture is beautiful. So hopefully this doesn't end this year. I'd love to even take trips within my own home country Nigeria and get to experience how other cultures live, their history and of course their food (I'm not chubby for just sitting down🤣).

Uni has resumed and well, I'll miss all the free time I had to sleep but it is nice having something to wake up for. I hope you guys enjoyed this post and like the pictures. Feel free to comment and tell me about your summers. I pray to be able to tell you about many other trips in the future.

P.S. don't forget that you can send in questions that you'd like me to answer. Aunty Bunny is here to advise and share with you.

Love Aunty Bunny xxx.

This is a segment of Benny's Diaries.