RIP 2019, the evil you have done is enough.

Hello, Bunnies,

So I am going to take you on a trip of my 2019, by the title you can probably see that I am not exactly the cheerleader of this year. I was gonna skip on this post but a dear friend encouraged me to write it and you know how I said I use a 'productive' thing to procrastinate another, wellllllll here we are at the tail end of 2019 and a sis is still the damn same person, mad o.

So twenty-freaking-nineteen, wow! In a nutshell, I hated the whole year, God forgive me but I went through this year thinking if I died then that could be the best mercy God shows me because *I'm lost for words*. I remember in April, during the remembrance of my late friend, I just kept thinking how flipping jealous I am of her, to be dead and not having to live the life I’m living this 2019 was all I could focus on.

First of all, Christmas of 2018 was so sucky I did not exactly have the best transition into the New Year. We had gotten a short break from law school which we had just resumed in November and being the overzealous person that I was (re: am), I was trying to be on top of my notes and studying game. So I was barely sleeping, resting or having fun, my life was consumed with textbooks and old materials I got from friends. No offence, but that was a waste of insanity because trust everything about Nigeria to not make sense or be organised. So that build-up of stress and mental torture found a way to physically manifest in what would be one of the many breakdowns that my health saw in this fantastic year of 2019.

I had been diagnosed with a medical condition known as Hidradenitis Supprativa aka HS (google it if you like but I will not be held responsible for whatever feelings come out of that. I may or may not write or film about what living with it has been like. I don't know, no assurances). Anyhoo, so one of the triggers is stress and here I am in Nigeria, the stress capital of the world and going to law school (LOL). My friends now know that stress is not my friend even when I am smiling and keeping an ‘unpanicked’ demeanour, the rest of my body will reveal my stress through flare outs linked to my medical condition (so fun).

To make matters worse I was in law school being stressed for reasons that I could not justify because guess what guys, I had realised in my first year of uni that I did not want to practice law, in fact, I wanted to be as far away from the profession as possible (2019 did not let me do this. And whilst some of you believe my kidney is tied to this profession, I will fight tooth and nail till I’m free). I stuck it through uni because I did not want to quit, a part of me hoped I'd love the profession again but I didn't. So going to law school seemed very redundant for my new ambitions but I honestly wasn't too clear on the new profession I wanted, I didn't want my degree to be incomplete without qualifying professionally somehow and most importantly I didn't want to disappoint my parents.

So a week after resuming back to law school in January, I was bedridden and in a hellish amount of pain because my body had reached a breaking point and was pushing back. At times like these, my doctors begin to pump me with painkillers and antibiotics. There isn't a cure for the condition, the antibiotics, sometimes... most times, and painkillers barely make a difference (painkillers would sometimes numb pain but not properly, cause you can still feel a tenderness). I spend most of my life living in unfathomable pain, pain so intense I sometimes feel delirious, it means I can't sleep, depending on where the flare out is, limbs have to be placed out of commission. It is a chronic condition and can only be managed. And you see flare outs can last anything from a week to a year which means you have open painful lesions on your body (and sometimes they are draining fluids). I remember the week of my birthday when a lesion just started bleeding in class, the handkerchief that I was using to try and stop the bleeding was drenched in blood and I had to run to the car to escape a mortifying situation 🤣.

Between January and July, I'd have more minor flare outs that required less fanfare but the next memorable crisis was June/July. I was undergoing my externship at a law office and in the middle of a gathering, I felt a wetness and just wished a hole would swallow me whole. I had been in pain for weeks and just managing myself and going through the motions hoping the externship would end before any proper crisis. I hate explaining my condition to people especially Nigerians seeing as they are some of the least emotionally intelligent people I know. Trust them not to prove me wrong, some people physically jumped from me thinking I was contagious (oh fools) and the questions came, the one million and one recommendations on what I should stop doing, starting doing and the new prayer houses to try, like I haven’t tried everything already. Owing to home training galore all I did was smile and say thank you.

One thing about my condition is that I could be in agony and no one would notice, I take painkillers (very frequently) and just live with/through the pain, my mum tends to know something is up when I start keeping to myself more than usual. I could be limping through the office from pain and very few people would notice, I have a love and hate relationship with this, I love that no questions would be asked but on the other hand, when I am not able to come to work because I have reached my limit, people think I am faking or exaggerating, they don't take me seriously. In the UK, I was registered with a disability at uni and with a people that regard welfare, I wouldn't have to say too much for people to be understanding. That is the main thing I lack here, no one truly understands. Some people try and I give them props but with it not being their lived reality they easily and frequently lose the plot.

I have spoken a lot about my health and why is that key to how sucky my 2019 was. Well, you see I was diagnosed in 2016 and my doctors and I in the UK had made tremendous strides in managing my condition.  It just took being back in Nigeria for less than half a year for me to feel like I'm back at zero, actually, it is worse than it has ever been. Everything in Nigeria regarding healthcare is either not accessible/available or it is ridiculously expensive so my routine has been thrown off fantastically. What is available here, whilst being the price of an arm and a kidney, is substandard. While I would use a drug at 75mg and get the required results in the UK, 100mg in Nigeria is not even making a quarter of the difference. So, the year 2019 and Nigeria has seen to the trashing of the small progress I made in regard to my health (both physical and mental). The extent of it is that whilst writing my bar finals I was on antibiotics and clinging to every dose of my painkillers so the pain and stress didn't drive me up a wall, the week of my call I was on IV (drip) antibiotics (because my body has become quite resistant and the only ones I am still sensitive to are in IV form) and at about 12am Christmas 2019 I had to get a shot to deal with the intense pain from yet another flare out. I proper hate this year guys. My family members that have witnessed my crises have said to just go back abroad and just reside there, at least access to good medical care is more assured.

I am not even going to get into my mental breakdowns (as seen from above I wished to die so 🤷🏾‍♀️). Every insecurity (weight, body, being ill, feeling inadequate and undesirable etc.) that was buried deep down or non-factor in my past life came to live with me side by side, day by day. Some were unearthed by people (some people I even rated) but experience did most of the work. Law school made me feel dumb, I felt so undeserving of all my past victories because here I was at the climax and it was kicking my ass. So yeah that was also hell manifested on earth. For the most part, it felt like I couldn't talk to anyone because no one was actually hearing me or understanding me. I lost my mind and then just started floating, still am tbh. Everything just became 'if I die I die' but I was going to put in the necessary effort to know I tried and effort that won't stress me. This I did because the little voice of 'Benny past' kept saying not to let law school beat me, actually, it said not to let anything bring me back to law school and thank God for that win (but again after hell my grade... you know what let me keep quiet and just be grateful for the win). I have not in any way or form dealt with my mental health or insecurities appropriately so I am still in a very vulnerable place, I am faking so much for now but that only works for a while without proper help.

Additionally, this was the year, sons of Adam also tried a sis and my dear sistas and sisters, men are mad and really not worth shit. I kept asking my friend if idiot or clown was written on my head because I don't know what or who gave these men the green light to try me. I also briefly wore my clown outfit this year and never again, please. Men only like wickedness and that's all I have available for them since they think I am Bobo the fool ✌🏾.

Guys, I don't have the strength to even properly lay out how my relationship with God has gone to the birds but a cumulation of being in Nigeria and all the hell of this year has made it so hard not to carry resentment towards God. A lot of my walk this year has been hella performative so I don't get asked questions but I know the truth and so does he. With each health crisis, and there has been a lot, I honestly look to the heavens and think is this the love, are these your plans because this is not what I want. So there's that.

I have written a lot, a lot more than I have cumulatively done this year and there are still spheres of my life I have not touched. But those are not as glaring as what I have mentioned above. Most of the things I haven't spoken about can be dealt with simply if you like yourself don't come back to Nigeria or japa if you're still here. Lack of infrastructure and a working system and aspects of society and culture that stifles you would kill your spirit with such severity and intensity you'd be left shellshocked.

The 'always see the silver lining' me wants to tell you how at the end of the day there was 'the sun after the rain' and 'darkness turned into morning'. Fair enough. Jehovah overdo in the ember months for my family from call to bars to promotions to birthdays and anniversaries. Cute sturvs. But this ranting me that is quite fed up is saying I could have well been abroad sending the necessary congratulatory messages without my health suffering for it 😊

I have been through it this 2019 and I can't wait for this year to be just a topic of trauma for my therapist and not my actual reality. So 2020, I am begging you with everything in me, using my call to bar certificate that came about as a result of blood, sweat, tears and other bodily fluids, please don't disgrace me. I have suffered sufficient suffer, abeg. I want good health, peace, prosperity, credit alerts especially in forex form, I want clear skin (because that's another thing 2019 took from me), snatched waist, flat stomock for myself, my family and friends. 2020 I HOPE YOU ARE PAYING ATTENTION BECAUSE ONE THING MUST NOT MISS FROM THIS LIST, IN FACT, ADD SWEET POSITIVE THINGS like friends with sense, car, any son of Adam with clown tendencies being blind to my person etc.


I pray for a lovely 2020 for you all too. I also pray your 2019 was not as shit as mine.

Well, Bunnies, Happy New Years! Here's to hoping I become a consistent blogger in 2020, AMEN.

PS. If you're an HS survivor I'd LOVE to hear from you.


Love,
BANNK xxx.

Did we Finesse 20?!?!?

Hello, my Bunnies,

If you're reading this then your girl just turned TWENTY-ONE 🤯 

For the longest time, I was trying to figure out the marker that 21 came with. In the US I know that's when people can legally drink but I'm from Nigerian and was in the UK so that was 18 for me. 20 was the end of being considered a teen so what are you doing 21? But I recently found out that in Nigeria you could only get a Certificate of Occupancy (legal title to land) at 21, younger people have to have a guardian. So, guys, I can 'own' land (if you're a legal practitioner in Nigeria you'll understand why own is in quotation marks). TBH, I have been telling everyone that I want landed property so HINT HINT.

Usually, I like my birthdays to be very reflective of how far I've come, lessons I've learned and whatnot. Last year as you all might remember, I said I wanted a chill year (insert LOL here). I am going to be very honest with this reflection today. Twenty felt like a mess and was not easy at all. I think I had the most breakdowns at 20; mentally, emotionally and physically. The age started out well with my mum being around for the first birthday in four years, I usually have my birthday during school terms, by the time I moved to the UK I didn't have any birthdays with my family around. So it was really nice having her there.

I had spent the Christmas holiday doing coursework and an exam with no sleep and hella stressed. So fast forward a few weeks when the results came out and I was shattered. One of my coursework, the one I had poured everything I had, came back with an unimpressive result. This was my final year and every single grade mattered. This kick-started the first of may breakdowns. At this point too, my social life was not doing great and not everyone could understand that my plate was too full and I was overwhelmed and needed space to just regroup. Seeing as I was dealing with academics, health and extracurricular commitments, my timetable was full.

I made peace with the grade, I figured I needed to up my game on the next ones cause I still had a tonne waiting for me. So I got feedback from teachers, got advice on what to do in the next ones, committed it all to God and started my research and work early. Using the advice from the first essay, I, again, poured and gave my everything to the next coursework and again subpar result with equally subpar feedback was given back. I'm like Jesus do I have to give up my kidney. Whilst on the second wave of coursework, I find myself in the emergency room (through everything my health wasn't top notch but I'm being hit left and right in final year...WOW). Ended up having incisions made in my neck (fantastic sturvs). But you know life is not gonna stand still for me so we move. I'm popping pain meds given by my doctors and putting my concerns and worries in my back pocket because I didn't have time nor strength to be distracted. Onto the next coursework again (I had four waves of coursework and each wave consisted of two coursework). This one came with better results in one of them, the other was a headache but we move guys. Final wave was so close to exams so results came out with final exam grades so I just turned that one in and returned to revising for the exam modules I had.

Mans trying to revise and keep stress levels down at the same time (extreme sport). Anyhoo, one week plus to exams and I can't move my right hand (my dominant hand...like Nigerians would say 'why not kuku kill me'). I had just been told by Disability that new arrangements have been for my examinations, I could type instead of write and my hand can't move and I am in pain. So revising is not even my biggest worry anymore, I couldn't move and I couldn't sleep. My friends literally had to come to my place to spoonfeed me our work materials. Now deferring exams seemed like the most logical thing to do. However, your girl doesn't want to be set back a year. How you may be wondering. Well if I deferred, then exams would be in August (and I have no assurance that my health would have fixed up) and then Graduation would have been December. That would mean missing the Bar 1 batch that resumed in July (there's only one batch in Nigeria) and having to wait till 2019 to start law school. A big no in my book. So I pushed through, I remember telling God "You know I have no strength and my trust is wholly in you. I won't be the person writing that exam because my physical body can barely stay up but I have you and that's all I need". I wrote my two papers and now it was time to wait.

When the results came out, I was so happy because I was graduating with no setback. Graduation was assured. The overall qualification wasn't what I would have wanted but I had been through hell and YOUR GIRL IS GRADUATING. Funny enough my two exam papers had good grades, can you see God. But something came and put a hefty amount of sand, in fact, concrete, inside my garri. The results for the final wave of coursework came out and what was showing in the student portal and the result portal was not the same. EXCUSE ME BUT WHAT IS GOING ON? So I am contacting every and anybody I could but no one is replying me even my personal tutor (who is your first point of contact in uni). I haven't told my parents or friends about results cause I am not even sure if it is mine or not. Me that was content before, I am now panicking and worried and graduation is how many weeks away. Plis dears. I had to eventually message the Dean of my faculty. They 'corrected' the error and said degree classification was still the same thing. But the lack of urgency they had and the dismissive attitude toward their own failings sent me to my next bout of crying. I woke up crying and slept crying. Like how am I sure this is the only mistake and I can't even appeal it because, one, I have limited time in the country before law school and two I didn't fail so I have no standing for appealing. Sha I eventually had to tell my parents (especially my dad) and they were very understanding. My father literally said 'wipe your tears, have your bath and eat. You're graduating abi? You will go to law school and show them. We learn from this but focus on the next challenge'.

So I came home and went to law school. To the glory of God, Bar 1 went well. TBH when I think of my degree I feel anger but I sideline it because I can't be dwelling on the past. Another thing that's made 20 so stressful definitely has to be my health (there was always something new to cause pain and stress over. I was seeing my doctors more frequently than I would have liked). Plus the stress of law school, Nigeria and its climate aren't making matters easy but we what...WE MOVE. 20 wasn't all drabby, I graduated, my brother graduated, my dad was conferred with a fellowship, my cousin got married. Even though I was honestly broken hearted over everything, it would be ungrateful to not recognise the hand of God in everything. I was not the best of Jesus babies cause I was very unhappy, I was not in a good place and it felt like I was just going through the tunnel with no sight of the light at the end. I didn't have my chill 20 and I am not where I'd like to be. However, I will be highly cliche and hopeful that I am where I need to be and nothing is a waste in the grand scheme of things.

Did I #Finesse20? It might not feel like it but Benny Kanyip you definitely handled 20 and all its hurdles with impressive delicacy and skill. You're still alive and kicking and you are in the next phase of your life. The road was tough and painful but by the grace of God, we're here.

So here's is recommitting things to God, every day, every minute, every second and that is why this is going to be #Hallelujah21 because no matter what happens that is what we shall be saying from this day forth.

You guys should go on my Instagram and see the montage I made documenting #Finesse20. I am immensely grateful to my family and friends for making #Finesse20, when I watch the montage I can't help but feel so blessed for the people I have in my life. Like I have to give a special shoutout to my uni friends for making uni amazing; my GIFT family, Helen, Safiya, Debby, Kechi, Dami, Simi, Ana, Simran and I especially have to thank Sandra and Maria (these were the people spoonfeeding me my revision when I couldn't move) and Maria was doing hospital runs with me. Sorry, I can't mention everyone but I am immensely grateful for the people I met in uni. I am also so grateful for Law School friends; new and old ones who I reconnected with. These are honestly the people that make you see that God is real and that he loves you. God bless you all, I love you.

Happy Birthday to me. Cheers to a Hallelujah filled 21.

Lots of love from BANNK xxx.

Being a Single Nigerian Girl...

...In your 20s with a degree. HOW DARE YOU?

Hello, my Bunnies, I’m backkkkkk.

You! Nigerian Girl! Yes you, how can you come back from university without huzzband? Or boyfriend? Or we’re just friends Ma? A fine girl like you with hometraining galor and wife material kilometres long. It’s like you’re not serious, oya come and be collecting unnecessary side comments. 

Society/ Relatives

Please dear parentals, uncles and aunties, huzzband or boyfriend is not inside a shop or growing on a tree. You said we should read our books and focus on our education so why are you disturbing me about boy now?

Furthermore, since my cousin got married (yey!) and I'm the next oldest granddaughter, I’ve noticed that everyone has been looking at me: 'you're next', 'remaining you'. Please move back, a little backer and free me. If he comes, he comes, don’t stress me, please.  

Moreover, will a man give me a one-way ticket to heaven? 

Abeg leave single people alone, singleness is not a disease. Some of you even say 'eyaaa' when your friend tells you they’re single, are you alright? Eya fire. If I start saying 'pele' to you taken people, you’ll start having heartburn. Live your life, I live my life. 

Dating Scene

The dating scene in Nigeria is giving me a headache. Sha this is the only scene I’ve navigated because this is the only time I’m perceptive to the idea of dating. So I’m finally paying attention to the scene. 

First of all, am I the only one who is mega scared of the type of men she attracts. Like I keep thinking, Lord is this the one that my vibes call to because I am praying and casting against it oh. Old men (married) will be stepping to you or members of sufferheard Olympics and gatekeepers of misogyny association or fat fetish people. I don’t appreciate this. 

Then the guys I’m attracted to are so slow or taken. Obviously, when I come across taken men I’m quick to shut down whatever attraction because I’m not here for that ‘fight for your man’ rubbish. I cannot be fighting because of man, God forbid. I am bad-market for side chick movements. 

The slow guys are annoying and the problem is that so far Nigerian guys have a complex with girls who make the first move; ask them out first. Most of them start to think they are one kingpin. Sir, please be humble. Yes, I’m attracted to you and want to know you more but you’re not the only man on earth, drop your shoulders. 

Knowing the issues I have I don’t like to sit and wait for someone who’s attracted to me to come up to me first. Please oh, they scare me. So when I’m attracted to you, I want to tell you, go on a few dates and get to know you before I start investing in you or thinking of an actual relationship. We’re adults, two people of the opposite sex should be able to hang out and get to know each other before/ without labels. I shouldn’t be scared that I would be called desperate around friendship groups. Not everyone wants to husband you and tie you down, sometimes come and pick me, we go galavanting and you drop me off. Plus I like to know who I am pursuing with a more romantic flavour and who I am keeping platonic, I don't like mixing so I'd like to hang out to see where you best fit in. Of course, if I’m initiating contact you reserve the right to decline, I respect your autonomy and choice. But if you’ll be leading me on and giggling with friends behind my back, honey I’m not the problem and you have some serious growing up to do.

Sha please Nigerian men please don’t waste my phone number I beg you in God’s name. Just kuku leave it if it’s for decoration purposes. God bless you as you comply. 

I think that's it from me today.

Lovely people feel free to comment and share. What has being single been like for you?

Love from BANNK xxx.

That is your Personal Problem

Hello from your taking-back-my time Bunny,

These last few weeks of being back at uni, as pointed out to me, I have been on savage mode. Savage in terms of just being as explicitly truthful without being bothered by what people will think (don't worry I am not being rude about it).

In a past life, I used to be very truthful, blunt and upfront about how I felt or what I thought but a lot of people accused me of not being NICE. This prompted me to reconstruct myself to accommodate a 'nicer' persona with the fake smiles and added pretence. But at a conference that I attended the speaker pointed out how we have confused niceness for kindness. Kindness doesn't mean doing what someone would like all the time but doing what would be in their best interest regardless of whether it would win their good graces or not.

Humans don't always like to hear the truth, they prefer to hear what makes them feel good even when it is a lie. One thing about being the person that makes people feel good, is that most times you end up being the default emotional dumping ground for the people around you. I found and still find myself being the carrier of jokes to make others laugh so that they are able to, for the moment, forget that which troubles them. It wasn't like I didn't have my own issues weighing me down.  In as much as I love to listen and provide a helping hand or advice when I can; if the person is not willing to change their situation then I might as well be trying to make a wall speak. Being the type of person that gives her all when I call you a friend or family then I am left worrying and disturbing myself about other people's choices to not fix that which is obviously broken or get themselves out of a bad situation. The worst part is when you have the people who would blatantly tell you that they never told you to carry their problems for them (the sad truth is that they never did).

So this summer, being able to spend time by/with myself really put a lot of things into perspective. I learnt that the best thing I can give anyone is putting you in my prayers because there is nobody who is a greater problem solver than God himself. And in certain situations, I can offer physical help (money, my comfort, recommend a doctor etc.) where necessary. As a friend or family, you never have to even ask me to pray for you, I already put my friends and family in my prayers always and if you need me to pray with you or for something specific then I am here.

This phrase "That is your personal problem" is a self-care routine. It encompasses 'I cannot come and die' and 'I cannot come and kill myself' however it is specified to deal with other people's issues. This phrase is for the people who use you to constantly complain about things in their lives and do not seek any solution or change. It is for the people who know that source of their headaches and keep going back to it. It is for the people who don't appreciate the friends and family who try to get them out of a bad situation and would rather insult and snap at them for not minding their business. This phrase is for the people that expect you to solve their life problems while they keep messing it up. This phrase is for the people who want to be silly and want to drag you into that silliness. This phrase is a reminder that other people's lives (how they live it and the decisions that ultimately make) are really their personal problem.

The truth of the matter is that God is God and I am not. I cannot and will not take the place of God and be the answer for all your problems or the person you always rant to; not when you have a father that is ready to listen and help at any time. I have seen people get angry at friends because they didn't have answers for their problems or the answers that they wanted. God is the only one who has all the answers (it is not always what you want but it is what you need). For the people who behave like the aforementioned, you guys abuse the dynamics of friendship and I am here to tell you. Stop being so stuck in your ways. "Change what you cannot accept and accept what you can't change" that is the moral of this post. Your friends are not the ones to make the change, they can help with the process but the decision to change and the effort to do so comes from you.

I hope you have a lovely weekend (I am going to my first Baby Shower this weekend and I can't wait to tell you all about it).

Love Aunty Bunny xxx.

Signs and wonders

Hello from your tired Bunny,

In writing this blog I had to consult my Bible to ensure that I have my facts right. This topic is so dear to my heart and I know that if I don't get what's on my mind out then it will consume me inside.

When the Bible talks about signs and wonders, it is associated with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. They are the ones who equip us with the ability to perform signs and wonders for the glorification of God. They are the ones who also perform signs and wonders as an expression of who they are. I hope you guys are still with me and understand the point I am trying to establish.

i.e. SIGNS AND WONDERS ARE FOR GOD TO PERFORM BY HIMSELF OR THROUGH US.


Ok with that being established then, please tell me, children of God, why one uncle out of nowhere will be sending me so-called signs as a way to tell me he likes me😒 🙃.
ARE YOU A BILLBOARD?!?

Why can't you open your mouth and talk? Is so hard to just use words and actually communicate effectively? Really telling me that I should have seen the signs. Then you get angry that I did not see the signs 🙄

See I am not the type of person who easily sees signs and understands then. Furthermore, I hate to assume or infer things on somebody else's behalf. Even when I am working for a group, I won't just assume a random responsibility without express allocation of that job to me. Like Nigerians like to say "I will not carry somebody's headache".

That's how I'll be deceiving myself that a guy likes me and he will ask me if he ever said anything to me and then put my heart inside the dustbin...ermmm it a no from me. If as a guy, you like and you haven't said anything to me then that is a personal problem for you.

If we start out as friends or we know each other, I will not assume anything because you treat me nicer than the others, or you have a pet name for me or that you spend more time with me or talking to me. If you are feeling like you have invested yourself and your time (or even money) that again is your personal problem. You can carry whatever investment and start going home with it. Afterall, if you don't have the boldness to tell me how you feel, then I am not interested and you were obviously ready for the investment to go to waste.

I sat down for some years thinking a friend of mine liked me because he called me baby and seemed to make extra efforts when it came to my matter. Only for me to discover that 'Baby' is a community name 🤣. I crashed back to reality so quickly it was like they poured ice water on me. Beware of the 'Baby', 'Darling', 'Babe' guys and especially the ones that always send this emoji '😍 ' anyhow (these are community properties, it is not for you alone).

The worst one, the thing I absolutely hate is the "I used to like you" or "I used to have a crush on you" guys. Okkkkk has that paid my rent, tuition or given me a first class??? No! Then keep quiet. What do want me to do with the information? Should I beg you to like me again? Should I call my whole village to help me beg for your like/ crush back? Like, I am really not understanding. Or maybe I should weep that I missed out on you? (TBH most times I want to cry tears of joy that I dodged a bullet because if you cannot simply communicate the fact that you like me then there will be no communication in the relationship). Please leave me alone if you want to exhibit this kind of silliness.

Guy and girls, if you like somebody and you are serious, please just tell them.  Stop playing games, human beings are not playstations. God has given us the spirit of boldness and not of fear; use it! Or you'll miss out on amazing people that are supposed to be in your life. This boldness should also exist when you're making friends or creating networks. If you never take the first step then you'd always wonder what could have been and that is the worst feeling ever.

I hope we all had a wonderful weekend. I pray you all have a fulfilled week ahead even you 'signs and wonders' people. Don't forget to subscribe and comment. Do you agree with what I've said? Do you have your own 'sign and wonders' experience? Please share, I am here to listen.

Love Aunty Bunny xxx.

The Aimless Conversationalist

Hello from your 'allergic-to-aimless-convos' Bunny

Colossians 4:5 "[make] the best use of the time"

I need to anoint my phone against some type of human beings. I had not planned to update so soon but when life throws you lemons (in the form of silly people and their behaviours) then you write a blog post.

I ABSOLUTELY HATE it when someone starts a conversation with me without any aim. How do I know they have no aim? This is how you can tell aimless conversationalists from the rest of we normal people:
- They start up a conversation with you and leave you hanging just after you reply the 'How are you?'
- They have no interesting conversation topics or points (dead convos)
- They never get straight to the point (because they have no point that they want to get to in the first place) so they are the type to ask "how are you, how is your family, how are your parents, how are your siblings" all in the same singular conversation.

I have reasons for these characteristics. All of them ball down to the fact that they had no aim for the conversation in the first place. You won't leave me hanging if there was something you wanted to talk to me about. If you had topics to talk about then the conversation has an aim and isn't a waste of time. You would not be beating around the bush if, again, the conversation had an aim. AIM, Aim, aim!!!

Even if you wanted to check up on me, that in itself is the aim of the conversation and you'd get straight to the point, end the conversation when it has fulfilled its purpose without leaving me hanging.

These type of people piss me off and I've deciphered that the only reason they even started the conversation was just to pry into your life and what you're up to. Unfortunately, their curiosity is not even out of genuine concern, it's just a busybody tactic. These people obviously have nothing better to do with their time or else they'd use it wisely.

If you know you're this type of person please stay away from my messages. I hate ignoring people so when someone hits me up, I am compelled to reply, then they leave me hanging because they are an AC (aimless conversationalist) and I get pissed off.

I know the saying once bitten twice shy (or whatever) and the Lord knows that my block button is about to get overworked. I am too young for people to waste my time and mobile data so if you find yourself unable to message me anymore it's because you are an AC.

Love Aunty Bunny xxx.

#SupportYourFriendsAlways

Hello from your peeved Bunny,

Disclaimer: I am about to call out some people, if you have no guilt then you should not have a problem with this post but if you do have a problem then you are guilty and there is no argument about that. I will be making generalisations of family and friends, of course, there are some family and friends that have been so wonderfully supportive and this post is not about you (but do read it as this would be entertaining for you).

P.s. I am taking off all armour of niceness because I am very unhappy at certain behaviours.

I like to consider myself as a very supportive friend and family member, in whatever little way I can (and sometimes it is quite little), I like to lend a helping hand through giving up my time to help, retweeting where I can, helping with adverts, watching or reading posts, buying merchandise, advertising and being a big fan. Even when I feel a product/service is not up to standard I'd tell you and give solutions rather than complain or blackball you. These are little things I like to do to show my love and to help.

Unfortunately, with certain people, I find that this is not reciprocated. I almost have to beg for support (with strangers I don't mind and it is expected as that is a way of selling my product to them), but with family and friends, I don't think I should have to break my back. My really supportive friends are the ones who ask me when my next post is coming, read it, they share with their other friends and encourage me with both positive and constructive advice. However, some people that I call family don't even read my posts talkless of sharing it (I know this because I check my stats). What pisses me off is that you then expect me to be the first in line to support you. Well NO!

I read an article that says you shouldn't always expect friends to support you but I obviously don't agree. Support is not always positive sometimes it is giving CONSTRUCTIVE criticism if you have a problem with their service or product. If that is not the case then what is your excuse? Obviously, my love will not be conditioned on the fact that you have to support me but obviously, your love for me is not true enough to support or encourage my endeavours. It is such an unfortunate reality that people find it hard to get support from their own home which is why they have to look outside for support. This attitude did not start today it has existed since Biblical times. I don't know if over-familiarity has wired people to not support their own but it is disgusting because when these people make it, you so-called family and friends would be the first to proclaim that you know them.

Well if you don't support my beginnings don't expect to enjoy my winnings.

I think that is enough ranting for today. To my wonderful CONSISTENT supporters, I love you guys so much. As you celebrate me God will always celebrate you and when it is time to gbedu, we will gbedu unto the Lord.

Have a great day everyone. Guilty parties please change your ways.

Love Aunty Bunny xxx.

Whining!

Hello from your tired Chubby Bunny,

It's currently 12:30 am and I am exhausted, why aren't you asleep you might be asking, well because my tutors didn't get the memo that it's time for holidays. "Have a good holiday!" they said, "It's Christmas time they said" but the workload still has me waking up early and going to bed late like it's term time 🙄.

I'M SO TIRED!!!

If you haven't deduced this already, this is not even a rant it is a whiny blog post.

I've had a funny week, I was in this depressive state that has no beginning, end or reason. My current mood is just to eat and sleep. I don't have the energy or the zeal. This is me being honest and open, and I need help. What do you do to get out of this type of funk? (practical advice please!).

Ok, I'm done and its time to be serious and put together again. I have an announcement to make on the 21st of December and I would appreciate all the prayers and support I can get. Seeing as the devil is trying to deter me with thoughts of doubt and this project is divinely assigned. SO stay tuned and pray for me (tbh I am in need of prayers right now).

Christmas time is here! I hope you're all spending it with loved ones and also spreading love in the little way you can. While we celebrate let's not forget the reason for the season!

Don't judge me for this post, we all deserve a little whining once in a while. As long as we don't let the problem consume us and we seek solutions rather than wallow in self-pity.


MERRY CHRISTMAS IN ADVANCE (just in case I do not update before the day).


Love Aunty Bunny xxx

This is a segment of Benny's Diaries.

The CIGYFNF

Hello from your Happy Chubby Bunny,

Please share or comment or just raise your hands in your house if you've ever been the "can I get your friend's number" friend (CIGYFNF) whose number is never wanted (please laugh with me I can't do it alone because this is me to a T).

Let me tell you a story, in fact, two stories. The first happened over the summer, I was at an event in my honour and some friends were around (you know how you have two groups of friend who don't know each other) some were guys and the other were girls. Throughout the event, I didn't know the guys had been checking out my girlfriends so when they were able to corner just me, they started asking me for my friends' names, numbers and relationship status. They were four guys and they had each already chosen a girl for themselves. And I was just like "wow!!!" so you come to my event where I am supposed to be the centre of attention and you're checking out my friends (I was even clapping for them). But as the good Christian friend that I am, I introduced them to my friends and allowed the to 'set their p'.

The second just happened recently, my friends and I went for an event and we're ALL looking like 'peng tins' but one just stole the thunder (if I'm being honest myself). From the moment we stepped into the venue, guys literally lost their cool, one tried to comport himself but he couldn't help stealing sly glances. This had the rest of us laughing cause this was a much younger guy and this friend was older and unavailable. As the night progressed more guys arrived and were all vying for their opportunity to talk to her.

These type of stories are very good for girl talk. I love all my friends and love the fact that each of them is beautiful not just on the outside but on the inside too. But this is just instances of the fact that humans especially guys are very visual operators, we like looking at pretty things we judge books by their appearances. No matter how much we say not to do it we all do it (some of you will be saying you're not like that but please shut up and stop lying). Beauty attracts us but substance keeps us. You go to a gathering and determine who you will approach based on how a person looks. However, beauty is in the eye of the beholder so we don't all judge appearances in the same way but it is what draws us in. That is why people make such a big deal about appearances when going somewhere new or for a job interview because no matter how much we try, that is the first thing humans will judge.

That's why we say dress how you want to be addressed. If you look professional, you will be addressed professionally, if you look unkept that is what people will associate you as. But I digress.

If you are a CIGYFNF like me don't worry because if your friends are like mine then you'll have such lovely people that support and love you, and would never hurt you. So when you own man comes they will back off, they will let you shine. If he isn't your guy then they will also keep you away from mistakes. I like to know my friends are such beautiful people, it makes me proud knowing it was actually worth it to have beautiful gems in my life. Because while guys are vying for their attention, I have it 24/7 and one word from me can make or break their perception of you :P

But you know I'm not just a CIGYFNF but I am also a "Can I get your cousin's number" friend but it's all ok because one day God will send my own guy that would want my number.


That's it from me today. I want to say a big THANK YOU to the new people who have been reading my blog. I hope to get new and better things up for you.

Love, Aunty Bunny xxx

P.S. Please tell me about your CIGYFNF stories and what you did!!!

This is a segment of Benny's Diaries.

A minority's thoughts

Hello from your Happy Chubby Bunny,

When I explain to people where I come from, I tell them that I am a minority within a minority. Usually, this doesn't faze me but when you put into consideration the massive political power play that exists within geo-political zones, I am at a disadvantage because no one tends to look at my side of the state until you make yourself known. That sounds like what should be the norm right? Until you are known for your works you shouldn't be given appointments but the truth is that you could be a nobody but if you know the right people and come from the desired hometown your appointment is served on a silver platter.

Of course, this makes this bunny unhappy but with me growing up and more and more people reminding me about marriage some things have been put into perspective.

If you are Nigerian, you'll probably have heard "No, don't marry that tribe they are this and that" this is very subjective depending on where you are from but if you are (or almost) of 'marrying age' the (more or less unwanted) whispers will soon be ringing in your ears.

As someone who is a minority in a minority, most people do not know where I come from (in fact some of the names of villages near mine have been thought of as fictional names LOL) so when it comes to carrying the sins or blessing of our culture or ancestors, no one knows ours. Which to certain extents works in our favour because you are judged solely on the content of your character and that of your immediate family rather than that of your whole ancestry. (YEY!!! for the unknown minority).

However, you are carrying the ambassadorial torch for your people, with a more globalised world your behaviour outside or online is going to inform whatever notion forms about your people in the mind of others. Because unfortunately humans (no matter how advanced they are) have failed to judge an individual individually and would rather tie them back to family and cultural influence (I am not refuting the contributions that these have but sometimes it is not the overshadowing influence).

So yes Bunny is happy that no one will hold any cultural or ancestral prejudices over me BUT Bunny is not so ecstatic knowing that she is global ambassador of her people and whatever she does is going to reflect on them. (But I'd like to think that I have carried the torch well so far and I pray God directs me and guides me in carrying it even better).

Hope you are having a great week. Goodnight.

Love Aunty Bunny xxx.

This is a segment of Benny's Diaries.

The Future

Hello from your somewhat torn Chubby Bunny,

What if you knew your future? What would you do if you knew what was going to happen tomorrow or a few months from now or even in the next ten years? What will you change?

I know a lot of you will be thinking "well that's a bit far-fetched" "how will I know I even know" "no one knows tomorrow except God".

And well I agree with you but what if the prophecy/ revelation came from God through your dreams and through his servant? Then what will you do?

Would you change your life to fit so PERFECTLY with the path that would lead to that destination God has planned for you?
Or would you hope that everything falls into place as life goes on with you praying that where you are is already part of your path?
Or would you just ignore and live because you know, YOLO!!!

As a Christian, I know and I try (regardless of my humanity) to work wholly based on the spirit so when God gives me a revelation about what is to come, I don't fight it because I know he wants the absolute best for me and would never stare me wrong.

But (forgive me if it seems like I'm questioning God) what if he tells you that you will lose your friends, that they will no longer have such a strong presence in your life and these friends (at least for now) have been there for you, have been a wonderful support system? Then how do you come to terms with that inevitable loss that is bound to happen?

I feel like I have started to mourn for what has not been lost but will be and it doesn't allow for total peace of mind. I cannot be as free as I used to be with said friends and I no longer have anyone to confide in because they now seem so temporary just waiting to fade out of my life.

With all being said I know who my God is and he would never leave me feeling so downcast. He has a plan and I have already surrendered my life to him a long time ago. I prayed for his will to be done and for him to take control of my life and if that means he has to take some people out then so be it.

A prayer is laid in my spirit "Lord, as you reveal more of yourself to me and as you give me more knowledge of what is to come also give me strength and more of your spirit to know that even when these messages seem so scary, so beyond me or my ability. Let me not have any fear for you are with me and you have a plan not just for me but for this world and you will see me through and give me all the resources and destiny helpers that will bring me to my destination. Amen"

Because the thing with life is that there are some people who are with you for a season and some for a reason. Life is in stages, as we meet people who are our helpers at a certain stage they do not remain helpers forever so sometimes they do not come with us to the next stage of life. It is not by any fault of theirs, it has been decreed from the start of your relationship and if we choose to turn away from God's plan then you find yourself moving from what was once a sweet relationship to a toxic one. But I do not pray for that to happen to anyone.

So as for this Bunny when God says it's time to get some people out of my life, although I'd miss them so dearly, I will be saying 'Boy Bye' like Beyonce´ because I am not waiting to see the repercussions of disobedience.

That is another rant for you today. Funny, I started this post feeling downcast but now everything is in perspective.

Love Aunty Bunny xxx.

This is a segment of Benny's Diaries.

Update

Hello from your Happy Chubby Bunny,

I took a little break to travel back to school, unpack and settle down for the new session. I am a university student and well, it has been stressful coming back to school.

My body hurts, I want to sleep the pain away but there is so much to be done. I have new flatmates that I've barely seen or spoken to but at the end of the day, I am very excited for the new year ahead. I pray it inspires me with more material for this blog...cannot rant about nothing, can I?

That is it from me today sorry it's not much. I'm off to bed.

Love, Aunty Bunny xxx.

 This is a segment of Benny's Diaries.

Welcome/ Sunday Best!

WELCOME TO MY BLOG.

Hello from your Happy Chubby Bunny.

I hope we're all living life to the fullest. This is a medium to express my thoughts and talk about things that have caught my attention along the day or week (depending on when I post).

Today is Sunday (obvious yes ) but hold on I'm going somewhere. All Christians go to church on Sunday, it is the day for the congregation to gather and give praise to the Lord. I would have said it is a day for worship but I believe worship is a lifestyle (a topic for another day) and thus a daily affair. On your own you should be in constant communication with the Lord and shouldn't just wait till Sundays (topic for another day) but the day allows for the coming together of all.

Anywho, in Nigeria Sundays are the days where one brings out their Sunday best clothes and deck (this means dress for non-Nigerian readers) themselves beautifully for church. I am not one who is against looking your best, if it make you happy then please help yourself but the issue I am having is that, the need to outshine and upstage people for the best looking on Sundays has sidetracked people from the real reason we go to church, Jesus.

Once in a while I like to go in one of my Sunday bests too, I let my outside mirror the beauty I know is on the inside. I like to dress well because I live in a society that won't let you look anything but well put together. But that that doesn't stop me from going for more conservative and comfortable looks sometimes (Bunny lives with "Do you and I'll do me" philosophy).

AND it is perfectly fine if you have the time and energy to look good every Sunday morning, that is a talent. I can't do that, I need to be mentally prepared for the task.

I hope you've not given up on me and are still reading :D.

My problem with this culture is the Fashion Parade Competition that ALWAYS ensues every Sunday. The service starts out perfectly with all our attentions focused on the word and the main reason for the gathering, Jesus. But you notice the circulating eyes of MRS... and MISS...circulating around looking at the clothes of others. Then when offertory time (which in Nigeria is considered blessing time) comes around it become size up and competition time.

If your ears are sharp you'll hear the comments:
"Is she really wearing that?!?!"
"That is not her colour"
"Her tailor obviously doesn't like her"
"That dress/ skirt is too long/ short or too ill fitting"

The list goes on and on. Sometimes and this happens rarely, someone does wear what is highly inappropriate to church and I understand the need to advise them and correct them. BUT if you're not going to go talk to them face to face and would rather talk behind their back then please SHUT UP.

Modesty is a societal construct, God says come as you are to him and he will give you rest, he doesn't care about your clothes or your money, just your heart (a lot of you will argue on my usage of this and that's okay) but you do not know the other person's life. Maybe that is the best thing that they had in their wardrobe and they are cutting their coat according to their size by wearing what they have rather than borrowing or stealing.

You don't live in their shoes so do not judge them and before you point fingers kindly check yourself.

Is your life truly as clean and as put together as your Sunday best suggests???

ALWAYS LEND A HELPING HAND AND NOT A JUDGING EYE: THAT IS THE LOVE THAT THE BIBLE TELLS US TO HAVE FOR EACH OTHER.

Let's have a discussion together feel free to comment and share with others.

Love, Aunty Bunny xxx.

This is a segment of Benny's Diaries.