That is your Personal Problem

Hello from your taking-back-my time Bunny,

These last few weeks of being back at uni, as pointed out to me, I have been on savage mode. Savage in terms of just being as explicitly truthful without being bothered by what people will think (don't worry I am not being rude about it).

In a past life, I used to be very truthful, blunt and upfront about how I felt or what I thought but a lot of people accused me of not being NICE. This prompted me to reconstruct myself to accommodate a 'nicer' persona with the fake smiles and added pretence. But at a conference that I attended the speaker pointed out how we have confused niceness for kindness. Kindness doesn't mean doing what someone would like all the time but doing what would be in their best interest regardless of whether it would win their good graces or not.

Humans don't always like to hear the truth, they prefer to hear what makes them feel good even when it is a lie. One thing about being the person that makes people feel good, is that most times you end up being the default emotional dumping ground for the people around you. I found and still find myself being the carrier of jokes to make others laugh so that they are able to, for the moment, forget that which troubles them. It wasn't like I didn't have my own issues weighing me down.  In as much as I love to listen and provide a helping hand or advice when I can; if the person is not willing to change their situation then I might as well be trying to make a wall speak. Being the type of person that gives her all when I call you a friend or family then I am left worrying and disturbing myself about other people's choices to not fix that which is obviously broken or get themselves out of a bad situation. The worst part is when you have the people who would blatantly tell you that they never told you to carry their problems for them (the sad truth is that they never did).

So this summer, being able to spend time by/with myself really put a lot of things into perspective. I learnt that the best thing I can give anyone is putting you in my prayers because there is nobody who is a greater problem solver than God himself. And in certain situations, I can offer physical help (money, my comfort, recommend a doctor etc.) where necessary. As a friend or family, you never have to even ask me to pray for you, I already put my friends and family in my prayers always and if you need me to pray with you or for something specific then I am here.

This phrase "That is your personal problem" is a self-care routine. It encompasses 'I cannot come and die' and 'I cannot come and kill myself' however it is specified to deal with other people's issues. This phrase is for the people who use you to constantly complain about things in their lives and do not seek any solution or change. It is for the people who know that source of their headaches and keep going back to it. It is for the people who don't appreciate the friends and family who try to get them out of a bad situation and would rather insult and snap at them for not minding their business. This phrase is for the people that expect you to solve their life problems while they keep messing it up. This phrase is for the people who want to be silly and want to drag you into that silliness. This phrase is a reminder that other people's lives (how they live it and the decisions that ultimately make) are really their personal problem.

The truth of the matter is that God is God and I am not. I cannot and will not take the place of God and be the answer for all your problems or the person you always rant to; not when you have a father that is ready to listen and help at any time. I have seen people get angry at friends because they didn't have answers for their problems or the answers that they wanted. God is the only one who has all the answers (it is not always what you want but it is what you need). For the people who behave like the aforementioned, you guys abuse the dynamics of friendship and I am here to tell you. Stop being so stuck in your ways. "Change what you cannot accept and accept what you can't change" that is the moral of this post. Your friends are not the ones to make the change, they can help with the process but the decision to change and the effort to do so comes from you.

I hope you have a lovely weekend (I am going to my first Baby Shower this weekend and I can't wait to tell you all about it).

Love Aunty Bunny xxx.

The Aimless Conversationalist

Hello from your 'allergic-to-aimless-convos' Bunny

Colossians 4:5 "[make] the best use of the time"

I need to anoint my phone against some type of human beings. I had not planned to update so soon but when life throws you lemons (in the form of silly people and their behaviours) then you write a blog post.

I ABSOLUTELY HATE it when someone starts a conversation with me without any aim. How do I know they have no aim? This is how you can tell aimless conversationalists from the rest of we normal people:
- They start up a conversation with you and leave you hanging just after you reply the 'How are you?'
- They have no interesting conversation topics or points (dead convos)
- They never get straight to the point (because they have no point that they want to get to in the first place) so they are the type to ask "how are you, how is your family, how are your parents, how are your siblings" all in the same singular conversation.

I have reasons for these characteristics. All of them ball down to the fact that they had no aim for the conversation in the first place. You won't leave me hanging if there was something you wanted to talk to me about. If you had topics to talk about then the conversation has an aim and isn't a waste of time. You would not be beating around the bush if, again, the conversation had an aim. AIM, Aim, aim!!!

Even if you wanted to check up on me, that in itself is the aim of the conversation and you'd get straight to the point, end the conversation when it has fulfilled its purpose without leaving me hanging.

These type of people piss me off and I've deciphered that the only reason they even started the conversation was just to pry into your life and what you're up to. Unfortunately, their curiosity is not even out of genuine concern, it's just a busybody tactic. These people obviously have nothing better to do with their time or else they'd use it wisely.

If you know you're this type of person please stay away from my messages. I hate ignoring people so when someone hits me up, I am compelled to reply, then they leave me hanging because they are an AC (aimless conversationalist) and I get pissed off.

I know the saying once bitten twice shy (or whatever) and the Lord knows that my block button is about to get overworked. I am too young for people to waste my time and mobile data so if you find yourself unable to message me anymore it's because you are an AC.

Love Aunty Bunny xxx.