Aunty Bunny Advises

Hello from your "I've had writer's block for over 3 months" Bunny,

I have written this apology over a dozen times and just left it in my draft. I am so sorry for not updating for so long and I hope you guys have not given up on me.

My friend just sent me a topic to talk about and this opens up my new segment of "Aunty Bunny Advises". This means you can drop questions or topics that you want me to talk about in the comments or in my Twitter DMs (@BKanyip). 

Today's topic is 'How do you maintain a relationship with someone who doesn't like people's opinion?'

If there is a motto that I love to live by, it is to not be concerned by the opinions of man but to focus on the word of God and what makes me happy.

However, no man is an island and if I make a friend, I automatically welcome this person into my life and give them my trust. So I would expect that this friend does not turn a blind eye when I am in the wrong or doing something that would end up being detrimental to me. A characteristic of love is kindness, contrary to popular belief this does not mean niceness or blind adoration. Kindness means having your best interest that I have at heart, whether that means supporting you when you've done something good or correcting you when you've done something wrong.

If you are someone that doesn't like the opinions of others then I have to bluntly tell you not to have friends. Because any friend that cannot tell you the truth or is afraid to do so does not have a true friendship with you. Unfortunately, I have some people in my life that I am unable to correct, talk to or even advice and I know I am not really friends with them even though I might introduce them to a stranger as such. How can I watch you make mistakes or make bad decisions and call you my friend? But some people's attitudes make them so unapproachable. I've had ex-friends who I've advised on certain matters only to see them doing the opposite thing the next day. If I have reached the level of keeping shut when it comes to certain decisions that a friend makes then we are no longer friends, we are acquaintances.

With every rule, there is an exception and even the exception has its own exceptions. If I advise a friend but they make me understand why they will not follow the advice then that is understandable, after all, to take an advice is optional and not mandatory. But most often you find that said friends only come to get your advice so they know your stance on the issue then if it is not in line with theirs then they begin to hide that aspect of their lives away from you.  If you have to hide any aspect of your life from the people that love you then there is something fishy and you know it.

Handling a relationship with someone who doesn't value your opinion is not a headache I can manage. Most of the time, it shows that person doesn't value your input. If it was a guy I was dating that behaved like this then I'd break up with him because this inability to listen to what I want or what I have to say would stay in that relationship unless he changes. He will always undermine me, my input on money, principles, family or anything would just be like talking to a wall because he'd go on to do what he wants anyway. That is a stressful life that I don't want to live. If it were a friend like stated above then that would be the end of the friendship or I'd just be existing around the person and unable to have any deep meaningful interaction with them.

P.S. if a friend or S.O. cannot take my advice then I most likely cannot take theirs. When I am unable to trust your ability to stick to your principles then how can I trust you to help me keep mine? Most advice is based on what someone would do if they found themselves in similar situations and if they do the contrary then you'd have me do the same too.

All in all, I'd say you have the choice on what you want to put out there. If you are unable to take advice then don't ask for it (it a different issue if you want a second opinion but make it clear about what you want to do). If you do have a friend that doesn't take advice, understand that it is their life and they are allowed to live it however they want and irrespective of what I have outlined above, we cannot force people to live how we want them to.

I pray this helps someone out there. I don't want to create discord but tell my truth. Feel free to tell me in the comments what you would do in such a situation.

Love Aunty Bunny xxx.

A Tribute to Kika

Hello, guys, it's Benny,

Happy Easter to you all.

This week I lost a dear friend of mine and I am in so much pain. I can't believe it, I don't want to believe it but I can't run from reality. However, I am comforted by the knowledge that Kika knew God and gave her life to Christ, there is peace knowing that she is with God among the heavenly host singing God's praises.

I always called her Kikamma, no matter how many times she said that wasn't her correct name (mma in Igbo means good and Kika wasn't just good but was so godly as the true woman of God that she was). Two conversations with her standout in my memory now, Kika was so filled with the Holy Spirit and when she spoke of God, you could she the wisdom God had given her, and the genuine love she has for God.

The first conversation was just after we did our farewell video for those graduating in our youth fellowship. We sat in my room with another friend and I remember saying to her "Kika, I have to pick your brain oh. There is gist and it is time to spill. This time next year, by God's grace, me too I want to go for valentine dinner so give us your tips". We went on to talk about how she met her boyfriend, how they both made sure that the relationship was God-centered and Holy Spirit led. She told us how she took everything about the relationship to God first, how they are making sure that there is no temptation and how they are helping each other grow in their love of God. After this conversation, I remember telling some of my other friends how I admire their relationship and how I am proud of their growth together and individually.

The second conversation is the one that comes with a little bit of guilt from my part. This conversation happened after games night in our youth fellowship, when we were walking back home I noticed she seemed uncomfortable. I asked if she was ok, she said she'd been having pain, I asked if she had seen the doctor and taken something, and she said yes. I wished I had inquired further and not let the conversation go because I know the pain of appendicitis and can tell the general symptoms but I know now that God had a plan to call his daughter home so I find my peace there. That day when we spoke, Kika was telling me about discipleship and what it means to be a disciple. She complained to me a little about the stress that comes with being a leader, not just any leader but a leader in God's house and of God's people. Even though she was in pain, she took the time to talk to me outside in the cold and I could just see the joy and passion she had in serving God and it is still inspiring.

I write this in hopes that I immortalise my memories of Kika and tell you all about God's wonderful daughter that I had the honour of meeting, knowing, calling her a friend and a sister. I thank God for her life, the people she touched including myself and I thank God for using her. Kika was one of those people I call God's creatives, she was so talented: Kika was a chef, wrote spoken word, was a daughter, friend, sister and mentor. Kika was also a wonderful hypeman and supporter of others. In each of her callings, she ALWAYS glorified God and you could see that. Kika like us all had dreams to change this world for the better, she was selfless and such a beautiful soul.

Writing this is not easy and mourning her is not something I want to do but I know she is not dead. No, she has been reborn. Seeing as Kika was a poet, this is dedicated to her:

John Donne, Holy Sonnet

Death, be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadful, for thou are not so;
For those whom thou think’st thou dost overthrow
Die not, poor Death, nor yet canst thou kill me.
From rest and sleep, which but thy pictures be,
Much pleasure; then from thee much more must flow,
And soonest our best men with thee do go,
Rest of their bones, and soul’s delivery.
Thou’art slave to fate, chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell,
And poppy’or charms can make us sleep as well
And better than thy stroke; why swell’st thou then?
One short sleep past, we wake eternally,
And death shall be no more; Death, thou shalt die.

Right now my love and prayers go out to her family and friends. Matthew 5:4 "Happy are those who mourn; God will comfort them!". I pray for God to be our comfort in this period.

To Kika, you are loved and now you are with the source of love:

Sai wata rana abokina. 

Adieu, Kiks.

Goodnight, till we meet again to part no more Kikamma.

The Aimless Conversationalist

Hello from your 'allergic-to-aimless-convos' Bunny

Colossians 4:5 "[make] the best use of the time"

I need to anoint my phone against some type of human beings. I had not planned to update so soon but when life throws you lemons (in the form of silly people and their behaviours) then you write a blog post.

I ABSOLUTELY HATE it when someone starts a conversation with me without any aim. How do I know they have no aim? This is how you can tell aimless conversationalists from the rest of we normal people:
- They start up a conversation with you and leave you hanging just after you reply the 'How are you?'
- They have no interesting conversation topics or points (dead convos)
- They never get straight to the point (because they have no point that they want to get to in the first place) so they are the type to ask "how are you, how is your family, how are your parents, how are your siblings" all in the same singular conversation.

I have reasons for these characteristics. All of them ball down to the fact that they had no aim for the conversation in the first place. You won't leave me hanging if there was something you wanted to talk to me about. If you had topics to talk about then the conversation has an aim and isn't a waste of time. You would not be beating around the bush if, again, the conversation had an aim. AIM, Aim, aim!!!

Even if you wanted to check up on me, that in itself is the aim of the conversation and you'd get straight to the point, end the conversation when it has fulfilled its purpose without leaving me hanging.

These type of people piss me off and I've deciphered that the only reason they even started the conversation was just to pry into your life and what you're up to. Unfortunately, their curiosity is not even out of genuine concern, it's just a busybody tactic. These people obviously have nothing better to do with their time or else they'd use it wisely.

If you know you're this type of person please stay away from my messages. I hate ignoring people so when someone hits me up, I am compelled to reply, then they leave me hanging because they are an AC (aimless conversationalist) and I get pissed off.

I know the saying once bitten twice shy (or whatever) and the Lord knows that my block button is about to get overworked. I am too young for people to waste my time and mobile data so if you find yourself unable to message me anymore it's because you are an AC.

Love Aunty Bunny xxx.

Babysitting stories

Hello from your (uni-will-not-kill-me-in-Jesus-name) busy Bunny,

EXAMS ARE ON THE WAY!!! But Christ has not given me a spirit of fear and I know through him I will succeed, Amen.😤

So I am in the middle of getting essays done, revising, dealing with stress pimples, not sleeping and still trying to keep a healthy lifestyle 😰

This is the reason why I have not been posting much. Between our last encounter and now:
- I was in a play where I had TWO major roles (yes I was fantastic but majorly stressed)
- I successfully handed over my position as VP of  one of my uni societies
- I have been given a post as a committee member of my youth fellowship
- Successfully hosted an event for my youth fellowship even though I lost my voice from allergies
God has been so good because I wouldn't have been able to do all these and more without him strengthening me (let's not forget uni work that has also been done and is still being done) 🙌. My God is awesome.

Matthew 18:3 And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.

So I wanted to share a little story with you guys. Some weeks ago I was babysitting and was having a conversation with the oldest girl who is about 12 and we got to the subject of dating. We have a little talk and I tell her that she isn't old enough to date yet, she says that she is aware of that and knows that she probably won't be allowed to date until she is my age (I'm 19).

I went with a uni friend of mine BTW. So when the girl I'm baby sitting says this to me, I start laughing. Then I tell her that by the time she's my age she'd probably still won't be dating (because I am still single). So my friend and I start laughing and the girl is confused and thinks we're laughing at her but I then clarify what I mean and tell her that I am laughing at myself.

At that very moment, her little sister (who is 7) comes up to me and asks if I have a boyfriend and I tell her "No I am a single pringle" then my friend and I couldn't help ourselves and just had to laugh our hearts out. When I went over, I didn't go with the idea or plan that my relationship status will be questioned by kids and the whole scenario was so funny. Kids are so unpredictable sometimes but so adorable and innocent.

They had no other motive and were just genuinely curious. However, if I was questioned like that in Nigeria, my guards would immediately go up. I know a few people who are waiting for me to get my degree and get married (funny enough they are not even my parents *eyes rolling*). The usual question when ladies return from uni without a suitor is "So you came back alone?" and my reply would be "Yes, after all, I was born alone😁"

Enjoy your singleness while you can (it is not a curse), grow in your relationship with God and build yourself up. Don't let people force you into a relationship and marriage before you are prepared by God. Everything has its time and season. Because it is your friend's time doesn't mean that it is yours. Because you are in a relationship doesn't mean you have to force marriage. Let God's time be your time and not the other way around.

If I do not post again then pray for me and my exams as I will be praying for you all too. Have blessed days. I will see you after my exam when I will be looking like a new person once the exam stress is gone.

Love Aunty Bunny xxx.

P.S. Feel free to comment and ask me questions on anything. I am always here to listen and to give advice based on the Holy Spirit's direction. God bless you all.

#SupportYourFriendsAlways

Hello from your peeved Bunny,

Disclaimer: I am about to call out some people, if you have no guilt then you should not have a problem with this post but if you do have a problem then you are guilty and there is no argument about that. I will be making generalisations of family and friends, of course, there are some family and friends that have been so wonderfully supportive and this post is not about you (but do read it as this would be entertaining for you).

P.s. I am taking off all armour of niceness because I am very unhappy at certain behaviours.

I like to consider myself as a very supportive friend and family member, in whatever little way I can (and sometimes it is quite little), I like to lend a helping hand through giving up my time to help, retweeting where I can, helping with adverts, watching or reading posts, buying merchandise, advertising and being a big fan. Even when I feel a product/service is not up to standard I'd tell you and give solutions rather than complain or blackball you. These are little things I like to do to show my love and to help.

Unfortunately, with certain people, I find that this is not reciprocated. I almost have to beg for support (with strangers I don't mind and it is expected as that is a way of selling my product to them), but with family and friends, I don't think I should have to break my back. My really supportive friends are the ones who ask me when my next post is coming, read it, they share with their other friends and encourage me with both positive and constructive advice. However, some people that I call family don't even read my posts talkless of sharing it (I know this because I check my stats). What pisses me off is that you then expect me to be the first in line to support you. Well NO!

I read an article that says you shouldn't always expect friends to support you but I obviously don't agree. Support is not always positive sometimes it is giving CONSTRUCTIVE criticism if you have a problem with their service or product. If that is not the case then what is your excuse? Obviously, my love will not be conditioned on the fact that you have to support me but obviously, your love for me is not true enough to support or encourage my endeavours. It is such an unfortunate reality that people find it hard to get support from their own home which is why they have to look outside for support. This attitude did not start today it has existed since Biblical times. I don't know if over-familiarity has wired people to not support their own but it is disgusting because when these people make it, you so-called family and friends would be the first to proclaim that you know them.

Well if you don't support my beginnings don't expect to enjoy my winnings.

I think that is enough ranting for today. To my wonderful CONSISTENT supporters, I love you guys so much. As you celebrate me God will always celebrate you and when it is time to gbedu, we will gbedu unto the Lord.

Have a great day everyone. Guilty parties please change your ways.

Love Aunty Bunny xxx.