Being a Single Nigerian Girl...

...In your 20s with a degree. HOW DARE YOU?

Hello, my Bunnies, I’m backkkkkk.

You! Nigerian Girl! Yes you, how can you come back from university without huzzband? Or boyfriend? Or we’re just friends Ma? A fine girl like you with hometraining galor and wife material kilometres long. It’s like you’re not serious, oya come and be collecting unnecessary side comments. 

Society/ Relatives

Please dear parentals, uncles and aunties, huzzband or boyfriend is not inside a shop or growing on a tree. You said we should read our books and focus on our education so why are you disturbing me about boy now?

Furthermore, since my cousin got married (yey!) and I'm the next oldest granddaughter, I’ve noticed that everyone has been looking at me: 'you're next', 'remaining you'. Please move back, a little backer and free me. If he comes, he comes, don’t stress me, please.  

Moreover, will a man give me a one-way ticket to heaven? 

Abeg leave single people alone, singleness is not a disease. Some of you even say 'eyaaa' when your friend tells you they’re single, are you alright? Eya fire. If I start saying 'pele' to you taken people, you’ll start having heartburn. Live your life, I live my life. 

Dating Scene

The dating scene in Nigeria is giving me a headache. Sha this is the only scene I’ve navigated because this is the only time I’m perceptive to the idea of dating. So I’m finally paying attention to the scene. 

First of all, am I the only one who is mega scared of the type of men she attracts. Like I keep thinking, Lord is this the one that my vibes call to because I am praying and casting against it oh. Old men (married) will be stepping to you or members of sufferheard Olympics and gatekeepers of misogyny association or fat fetish people. I don’t appreciate this. 

Then the guys I’m attracted to are so slow or taken. Obviously, when I come across taken men I’m quick to shut down whatever attraction because I’m not here for that ‘fight for your man’ rubbish. I cannot be fighting because of man, God forbid. I am bad-market for side chick movements. 

The slow guys are annoying and the problem is that so far Nigerian guys have a complex with girls who make the first move; ask them out first. Most of them start to think they are one kingpin. Sir, please be humble. Yes, I’m attracted to you and want to know you more but you’re not the only man on earth, drop your shoulders. 

Knowing the issues I have I don’t like to sit and wait for someone who’s attracted to me to come up to me first. Please oh, they scare me. So when I’m attracted to you, I want to tell you, go on a few dates and get to know you before I start investing in you or thinking of an actual relationship. We’re adults, two people of the opposite sex should be able to hang out and get to know each other before/ without labels. I shouldn’t be scared that I would be called desperate around friendship groups. Not everyone wants to husband you and tie you down, sometimes come and pick me, we go galavanting and you drop me off. Plus I like to know who I am pursuing with a more romantic flavour and who I am keeping platonic, I don't like mixing so I'd like to hang out to see where you best fit in. Of course, if I’m initiating contact you reserve the right to decline, I respect your autonomy and choice. But if you’ll be leading me on and giggling with friends behind my back, honey I’m not the problem and you have some serious growing up to do.

Sha please Nigerian men please don’t waste my phone number I beg you in God’s name. Just kuku leave it if it’s for decoration purposes. God bless you as you comply. 

I think that's it from me today.

Lovely people feel free to comment and share. What has being single been like for you?

Love from BANNK xxx.

Living the Creative 'Dream"

Hello, Bunnies,

It's been a while since I wrote something that wasn't (like) poetry. The reason being that I haven't had anything I wanted to talk about or that I could talk about (yet). However, God has blessed me with some writing inspiration today.

For those who don't know or who are new, I am a creative spirit. Bringing things to reality from my imagination makes me so happy, gives me joy and is one of my purposes. Here are the creative things I do

• I write 
• I sing
• I am a photographer
• I act
• I dabble in fashion (putting together outfits, drawing outfits for my tailor to make). This I do for myself and mum only.

These things are not easy to do, at all. Without the understanding that these are God-given talents that exist outside of people's acceptance, I'd probably have packed up and given up a long time ago. That understanding is what has kept me practising and training my talents because God knows I do not get adequate support and encouragement to keep me going. Shoutout to the day 1s who read, share and check up on me, I love you. But on the grander scale, real supporters are few. If I calculate based on the "family and friends" I have, the real supporters are not even 10% (not those who lie and can't even humour me with a retweet). I'm not here to call people out, I don't have that energy. Hence why the foundation is not on human beings. The people you expect to be supporting you are MIA, the blogs and books are not pulling in the numbers and you're wondering why you even bother. You feel like you will never build that fan base or get that recognition. Are you really deceiving yourself with that 'Creative' title?

At this point in the creative journey, you have to take a step back (you don't want to do this because it's forward ever and backwards never but you have to). Take a step back an ask yourself, is there a greater recognition and acceptance of you than that of God and yourself. Your creative work is an extension of yourself and if it is something that took a while for you to get confident in and you feel vulnerable. You're putting an intimate part of you out to the world saying 'hello, see me', 'I want to relate to you', 'can you relate to me', 'am I interesting?', 'am I as good as I think?', 'am I worth it?'. That is scary and so exposing. Unless you can understand that the answers to the above questions have always been a yes from God and should be a yes from you before anyone else then your creative journey will be insecure and unpleasant. You'll always think the worth of your work is dependent on people and that can break you. Not everyone will like what you do and that is ok, support will not come from where you expect it and that is ok because the day you're supposed to blow you will find your audience and your additional support. It will be so ridiculous that people will be coming out of the woodworks recommending you, sharing your work and they will even be strangers. 

“You become a writer by writing...somewhere out there is a reader for your book” - Margaret Atwood

So just keep training and improving that talent. People hardly ever see the behind the scenes but they definitely appreciate quality finished work. If you don't train how will you be ready for your day in the spotlight. Creatives bloom when they are supported and encouraged (no man is an island) but you need to be self-providing for a while before people see the vision that you saw from the very beginning. My dear creative don't be discouraged, don't give up and don't stop creating. Regardless of when or if these additional supporters come, you can always count on two people telling you well done; God and you.

"Sometimes you just gotta crown yourself and be your own hype man. Know you're a Queen first. Others can be late to your coronation but you shouldn't be." - Benny (freaking) Kanyip [Queen in training] 👸🏾

Love from BANNK xxx.

You

Sometimes the sunken place

calls a little too loudly,

appears a little bit too close,

seems a little too familiar. 

Sometimes sitting here

in this hole

is all I know

all I can do. 

Wouldn't it be so nice

not to know you,

not to be closer to you than any other person. 

So nice. 

We've gone without each other,

Sometimes,

Been a distant memory, a past event

to each other. 

But we're at crossroads again,

would you pull me in,

would I walk away?

I don't want to know you, the emptiness can't take over.

CrushED

Her eyes stalked his every move,

Her heart could track him without a GPS,

His steps were carved on every heartbeat. 

What was this obsession? 

When did she become like this?

One human consumed her;

She was drowning in emotions she could not control,

That she couldn’t comprehend, 

That she didn’t want.

Here was a free bird who kept herself free-

Suppressed, constrained by her own heart.

She felt the weight of his presence 

Like thick smoke choking the atmosphere;

She was longing for what her mind didn’t want,

What was her nightmare 

I AM NOT WIFE MATERIAL

Contrary to popular opinion

I was not born to be a wife.

That is not the only standard of my life.

You are not my saviour

And marriage is not my heaven.

My body,

My heart,

My soul,

My abilities,

Are not for your consumption.

I wasn’t made for your pleasure,

I was made for His pleasure.

I am the Bride of he who died

So that I may rise.

Rise to life.

Rise to wholeness.

Rise to purpose.

To make me yours 

You need to be His first.

You need to understand my existence, 

And yours,

In the grander scale of His plans.

So no, I am not wife material,

At least not yours,

I am already a Bride with full knowledge of her Bridegroom.

If it be His will, then you may be a partner, 

With equal rights here and in heaven,

With equal rights to his love,

And His purpose. 

I am many faces of womanhood and humanity 

So I am not just wife material.

Happy International Women's Day xxx.

Twenty!!!

Hello, My Bunnies,

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Guess who turned 20 today?!!? ME!!!

I no longer fit in the teenager category but tbh nothing has changed much (at least not yet).

I pray that is is the year of greater discernment and wisdom.

I can't wait to see what 20 has in store for me. I am so grateful to God for his faithfulness all my life and I look forward to a closer relationship with him. I am not doing anything extravagant for the day (I want a chill 20) so I don't have much to tell you guys but here are pictures of me during my teen years. I have grown in so many ways and I am happy with the woman that God is moulding me into.

One thing I learnt from my teen years is that pain really does end and God has great plans awaiting us and his plans are always perfect.

Cheers to more years Bunnies.