That is your Personal Problem

Hello from your taking-back-my time Bunny,

These last few weeks of being back at uni, as pointed out to me, I have been on savage mode. Savage in terms of just being as explicitly truthful without being bothered by what people will think (don't worry I am not being rude about it).

In a past life, I used to be very truthful, blunt and upfront about how I felt or what I thought but a lot of people accused me of not being NICE. This prompted me to reconstruct myself to accommodate a 'nicer' persona with the fake smiles and added pretence. But at a conference that I attended the speaker pointed out how we have confused niceness for kindness. Kindness doesn't mean doing what someone would like all the time but doing what would be in their best interest regardless of whether it would win their good graces or not.

Humans don't always like to hear the truth, they prefer to hear what makes them feel good even when it is a lie. One thing about being the person that makes people feel good, is that most times you end up being the default emotional dumping ground for the people around you. I found and still find myself being the carrier of jokes to make others laugh so that they are able to, for the moment, forget that which troubles them. It wasn't like I didn't have my own issues weighing me down.  In as much as I love to listen and provide a helping hand or advice when I can; if the person is not willing to change their situation then I might as well be trying to make a wall speak. Being the type of person that gives her all when I call you a friend or family then I am left worrying and disturbing myself about other people's choices to not fix that which is obviously broken or get themselves out of a bad situation. The worst part is when you have the people who would blatantly tell you that they never told you to carry their problems for them (the sad truth is that they never did).

So this summer, being able to spend time by/with myself really put a lot of things into perspective. I learnt that the best thing I can give anyone is putting you in my prayers because there is nobody who is a greater problem solver than God himself. And in certain situations, I can offer physical help (money, my comfort, recommend a doctor etc.) where necessary. As a friend or family, you never have to even ask me to pray for you, I already put my friends and family in my prayers always and if you need me to pray with you or for something specific then I am here.

This phrase "That is your personal problem" is a self-care routine. It encompasses 'I cannot come and die' and 'I cannot come and kill myself' however it is specified to deal with other people's issues. This phrase is for the people who use you to constantly complain about things in their lives and do not seek any solution or change. It is for the people who know that source of their headaches and keep going back to it. It is for the people who don't appreciate the friends and family who try to get them out of a bad situation and would rather insult and snap at them for not minding their business. This phrase is for the people that expect you to solve their life problems while they keep messing it up. This phrase is for the people who want to be silly and want to drag you into that silliness. This phrase is a reminder that other people's lives (how they live it and the decisions that ultimately make) are really their personal problem.

The truth of the matter is that God is God and I am not. I cannot and will not take the place of God and be the answer for all your problems or the person you always rant to; not when you have a father that is ready to listen and help at any time. I have seen people get angry at friends because they didn't have answers for their problems or the answers that they wanted. God is the only one who has all the answers (it is not always what you want but it is what you need). For the people who behave like the aforementioned, you guys abuse the dynamics of friendship and I am here to tell you. Stop being so stuck in your ways. "Change what you cannot accept and accept what you can't change" that is the moral of this post. Your friends are not the ones to make the change, they can help with the process but the decision to change and the effort to do so comes from you.

I hope you have a lovely weekend (I am going to my first Baby Shower this weekend and I can't wait to tell you all about it).

Love Aunty Bunny xxx.

Signs and wonders

Hello from your tired Bunny,

In writing this blog I had to consult my Bible to ensure that I have my facts right. This topic is so dear to my heart and I know that if I don't get what's on my mind out then it will consume me inside.

When the Bible talks about signs and wonders, it is associated with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. They are the ones who equip us with the ability to perform signs and wonders for the glorification of God. They are the ones who also perform signs and wonders as an expression of who they are. I hope you guys are still with me and understand the point I am trying to establish.

i.e. SIGNS AND WONDERS ARE FOR GOD TO PERFORM BY HIMSELF OR THROUGH US.


Ok with that being established then, please tell me, children of God, why one uncle out of nowhere will be sending me so-called signs as a way to tell me he likes me😒 🙃.
ARE YOU A BILLBOARD?!?

Why can't you open your mouth and talk? Is so hard to just use words and actually communicate effectively? Really telling me that I should have seen the signs. Then you get angry that I did not see the signs 🙄

See I am not the type of person who easily sees signs and understands then. Furthermore, I hate to assume or infer things on somebody else's behalf. Even when I am working for a group, I won't just assume a random responsibility without express allocation of that job to me. Like Nigerians like to say "I will not carry somebody's headache".

That's how I'll be deceiving myself that a guy likes me and he will ask me if he ever said anything to me and then put my heart inside the dustbin...ermmm it a no from me. If as a guy, you like and you haven't said anything to me then that is a personal problem for you.

If we start out as friends or we know each other, I will not assume anything because you treat me nicer than the others, or you have a pet name for me or that you spend more time with me or talking to me. If you are feeling like you have invested yourself and your time (or even money) that again is your personal problem. You can carry whatever investment and start going home with it. Afterall, if you don't have the boldness to tell me how you feel, then I am not interested and you were obviously ready for the investment to go to waste.

I sat down for some years thinking a friend of mine liked me because he called me baby and seemed to make extra efforts when it came to my matter. Only for me to discover that 'Baby' is a community name 🤣. I crashed back to reality so quickly it was like they poured ice water on me. Beware of the 'Baby', 'Darling', 'Babe' guys and especially the ones that always send this emoji '😍 ' anyhow (these are community properties, it is not for you alone).

The worst one, the thing I absolutely hate is the "I used to like you" or "I used to have a crush on you" guys. Okkkkk has that paid my rent, tuition or given me a first class??? No! Then keep quiet. What do want me to do with the information? Should I beg you to like me again? Should I call my whole village to help me beg for your like/ crush back? Like, I am really not understanding. Or maybe I should weep that I missed out on you? (TBH most times I want to cry tears of joy that I dodged a bullet because if you cannot simply communicate the fact that you like me then there will be no communication in the relationship). Please leave me alone if you want to exhibit this kind of silliness.

Guy and girls, if you like somebody and you are serious, please just tell them.  Stop playing games, human beings are not playstations. God has given us the spirit of boldness and not of fear; use it! Or you'll miss out on amazing people that are supposed to be in your life. This boldness should also exist when you're making friends or creating networks. If you never take the first step then you'd always wonder what could have been and that is the worst feeling ever.

I hope we all had a wonderful weekend. I pray you all have a fulfilled week ahead even you 'signs and wonders' people. Don't forget to subscribe and comment. Do you agree with what I've said? Do you have your own 'sign and wonders' experience? Please share, I am here to listen.

Love Aunty Bunny xxx.

Summer of Culture

Hello from your Chubby Bunny,

This year I had the pleasure of exploring the UK and I am here to dazzle you with how cultured I am now. For the first time, I will be including exclusive photographs taken by moi and of moi (you guys should feel honoured...jokes).

I worked with the International Summer school at my university and I had a grand time. I got to meet a lot of students from all over the world, make many new friends and we got to go on trips to various parts of the UK (most places I had not been to myself so it was a treat for me too). These places included Cambridge, Oxford, Liverpool, Shrewsbury and Staffordshire (here are some pictures:)

(I almost bought myself a castle but it wasn't big enough...jokes)

I went to my first ballet this summer. WARNING: if you are going to a ballet always read the synopsis or you will be very lost during the performance. I spent the first half of the show say 'huh?' with my friends and I needed the almighty Google to come to my rescue during intermission. Once I had familiarised myself with the story, the second part was easier to watch and I even understood the whole thing.

I was able to go on a little vacation with my best friend and we went to Blackpool. It was absolutely necessary for the body and mind. I got to actually leave my house for once and every day that we were there I got to explore the city.

Blackpool was so lovely to visit we stayed in the sweetest hotel that was more or less a resort (pictures below). They had a pool, a spa, gym and even a golf course. Trust your Bunny to be at the spa as soon as she arrived 😁. I only hated the poor wifi we got in our room and the food needed some added flair (*coughs* seasoning) but aside from that, I'd give them a 7 out of 10.

On our first day out in Blackpool, we were met with over 50mph winds and we never expected it. The Blackpool tower eye was even shut down (that's how serious it was). And being the newbie tourist, I never know that these winds could rip my glasses off my face and have it travelling through the streets of Blackpool. 😑  I was not amused. I am basically blind without my glasses, I cannot see details and small things; just shapes and colours. So I was blindly chasing my glasses with the winds still pushing them further away from me. And my so-called best friend was paying zero attention while I was screaming for help (BTW I am accepting applications for her replacement) but I got my glasses and my day wasn't ruined and neither were my glasses.

I got to go to the circus that day and the dungeon but I found the circus scarier than the latter. People hanging in the air without some form of a safety net below them was not good for my heart. The next day we finally got to go to the tower eyes as the winds had reduced (so no runaway glasses). After we proceded to Pleasure Beach, which is an amusement park and I also got to see how my so-called BFF had little love for me. She expected me to go on rides that had you tumbling upside down and had you almost seeing the Heavenly host...erm that a big NO from me (more reasons to replace her).

(yes, I went on the fairly odd parents' ride, sue me😁)

So I had a beautiful summer and as customary, it came with a few silly pictures because life is too short to have only serious pictures

Being able to travel to these places has ignited the spark in me that fuels my love for travelling. I got to be a carefree Black Queen enjoying life. I have not been able to travel much since 2011 and I've missed it. Seeing a new city and experiencing a new culture is beautiful. So hopefully this doesn't end this year. I'd love to even take trips within my own home country Nigeria and get to experience how other cultures live, their history and of course their food (I'm not chubby for just sitting down🤣).

Uni has resumed and well, I'll miss all the free time I had to sleep but it is nice having something to wake up for. I hope you guys enjoyed this post and like the pictures. Feel free to comment and tell me about your summers. I pray to be able to tell you about many other trips in the future.

P.S. don't forget that you can send in questions that you'd like me to answer. Aunty Bunny is here to advise and share with you.

Love Aunty Bunny xxx.

This is a segment of Benny's Diaries.

Aunty Bunny Advises: 2

Hello from your Chubby (now going to the gym) Bunny,

So I've been going to the gym for two weeks now and it has been wonderful. Your girl is keeping on top of her health (*clap for me here). The first week was painful but I kept pushing and my body is slowly getting used to doing more activities. If you want to be updated on my gym escapades or my day to day life, again, follow me on Twitter @BKanyip.

Anyhoo, welcome back to the second segment of Aunty Bunny Advises and the question to day is:

'How should I feel about a friend who has chosen a stupid reason to not be friends with me, but you still love them?"

Don't forget you can also drop your questions in the comments or in my Twitter DMs.

Back to the question of the day. How should you feel? Feel however you want. You are allowed to have emotions but do not let them control you. Emotions are such fickle things so you only want to be informed by them. It is ok to be hurt, angry or even offended (I get offended when people use silly reasons, not to friends with me because I am such an amazing friend but I also pity them because they are missing out on my amazingness). But that is their loss. 

I have three doctrines that are the foundation of my friendships:

1. God is the number one foundation of anything I do
2. I choose my friends 
3. I can't force people to be my friends

As I have mentioned in a previous post, some friendships are seasonal and will eventually run their course so when you find them ending, don't force the relationship. If you do then you are mixing up a batch of toxic disaster waiting to explode. It is better to end a relationship amicably than to have a massive fall out that leaves no room for recovery. 

If you are the type that looks for closure, feel free to ask (not confront, do not approach with any hostility) what exactly you did or what was so unforgivable that the person stopped being friends with you. I am not a closure person so I would let the other person do what ever they wanted, after all, they are grown and have the capacity to make their own decisions. If the friendship was meant to be then we will find each other again. That is why I said not to have a fall out because if you are meant to reconnect you wouldn't want any resentment between you guys.

You can still love someone from afar. Even if they are not present you can pray for them and wish them well. Distance means nothing to love. 

As for you, focus on other things in your life. Your work, education, family, other friends etc. The fact that this one friend has made a bad decision of leaving you should not stop you from enjoying the things that are still in your life.

I pray this helps someone out there. I don't want to create discord but tell my truth. Feel free to tell me in the comments what you would do in such a situation.

Love Aunty Bunny xxx.

Aunty Bunny Advises

Hello from your "I've had writer's block for over 3 months" Bunny,

I have written this apology over a dozen times and just left it in my draft. I am so sorry for not updating for so long and I hope you guys have not given up on me.

My friend just sent me a topic to talk about and this opens up my new segment of "Aunty Bunny Advises". This means you can drop questions or topics that you want me to talk about in the comments or in my Twitter DMs (@BKanyip). 

Today's topic is 'How do you maintain a relationship with someone who doesn't like people's opinion?'

If there is a motto that I love to live by, it is to not be concerned by the opinions of man but to focus on the word of God and what makes me happy.

However, no man is an island and if I make a friend, I automatically welcome this person into my life and give them my trust. So I would expect that this friend does not turn a blind eye when I am in the wrong or doing something that would end up being detrimental to me. A characteristic of love is kindness, contrary to popular belief this does not mean niceness or blind adoration. Kindness means having your best interest that I have at heart, whether that means supporting you when you've done something good or correcting you when you've done something wrong.

If you are someone that doesn't like the opinions of others then I have to bluntly tell you not to have friends. Because any friend that cannot tell you the truth or is afraid to do so does not have a true friendship with you. Unfortunately, I have some people in my life that I am unable to correct, talk to or even advice and I know I am not really friends with them even though I might introduce them to a stranger as such. How can I watch you make mistakes or make bad decisions and call you my friend? But some people's attitudes make them so unapproachable. I've had ex-friends who I've advised on certain matters only to see them doing the opposite thing the next day. If I have reached the level of keeping shut when it comes to certain decisions that a friend makes then we are no longer friends, we are acquaintances.

With every rule, there is an exception and even the exception has its own exceptions. If I advise a friend but they make me understand why they will not follow the advice then that is understandable, after all, to take an advice is optional and not mandatory. But most often you find that said friends only come to get your advice so they know your stance on the issue then if it is not in line with theirs then they begin to hide that aspect of their lives away from you.  If you have to hide any aspect of your life from the people that love you then there is something fishy and you know it.

Handling a relationship with someone who doesn't value your opinion is not a headache I can manage. Most of the time, it shows that person doesn't value your input. If it was a guy I was dating that behaved like this then I'd break up with him because this inability to listen to what I want or what I have to say would stay in that relationship unless he changes. He will always undermine me, my input on money, principles, family or anything would just be like talking to a wall because he'd go on to do what he wants anyway. That is a stressful life that I don't want to live. If it were a friend like stated above then that would be the end of the friendship or I'd just be existing around the person and unable to have any deep meaningful interaction with them.

P.S. if a friend or S.O. cannot take my advice then I most likely cannot take theirs. When I am unable to trust your ability to stick to your principles then how can I trust you to help me keep mine? Most advice is based on what someone would do if they found themselves in similar situations and if they do the contrary then you'd have me do the same too.

All in all, I'd say you have the choice on what you want to put out there. If you are unable to take advice then don't ask for it (it a different issue if you want a second opinion but make it clear about what you want to do). If you do have a friend that doesn't take advice, understand that it is their life and they are allowed to live it however they want and irrespective of what I have outlined above, we cannot force people to live how we want them to.

I pray this helps someone out there. I don't want to create discord but tell my truth. Feel free to tell me in the comments what you would do in such a situation.

Love Aunty Bunny xxx.